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childless bitch

I Refuse To Get Your Baby a Gift

woman scowling at baby

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a Scrooge. I love this time of year. I like dressing up and going to holiday parties. I like overeating and overdrinking. I like buying presents for my friends and family. What I don't like is buying a present for your baby. I'll explain.

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The Childless Bitch on Gift Giving

Childless Bitch on Gift Giving

Hey kids, I'm wishing you a GIFTLESS little Christmas!

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The Childless Bitch on Holiday Shopping

woman shopping

That's right: We single, childless gals are rockin' a hangover from a kickass post-Thanksgiving party (how was yours?) and will gladly leave the bizarre American middle-class Black Friday shopping to you. You can meet at Walmart at 4 in the morning. I am more than happy to let you have the quesadilla maker at 20 percent off. My gift to you.

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Childless Bitch at the Beach

woman at the beach getting annoyed by children

Everyone knows that the most important decision of any beach day is where to put down your towel. I make an effort to pick a quiet, isolated spot on the sand, but no matter where I sit, you and your troops invade and ATTACK!



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I Am the Land of the Free -- Free of Children!

annoyed woman

America, you certainly are the land of the brave. And I am the land of the free. Free of children!

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Daddy Is the New Mommy

Father holding her baby daughter

You people are reproducing. To borrow a phrase from "Jersey Shore," you're not just "smooshing," then popping something out nine months later. No, I'm talking more like Gremlins, when you pour water on them. You mommies are reproducing a new version of yourselves -- daddies!

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The Childless Bitch on Holiday Travel

woman on a plane

I am about to get on a plane to travel cross-country. To plan for this painstaking day, I thought it would be appropriate to speak to the mothers of the world who will be joining me, along with their screaming, coughing, drooling children.

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The Childless Bitch on Gift Giving

Childless Bitch on Gift Giving

Hey kids, I'm wishing you a GIFTLESS little Christmas!

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