Childless Bitch |
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childless bitch

I May Be Childless, But I'm Not a Disease

childless without a disease
Mommies, you've gone too far. I am utterly offended. This proves once and for all that you think human beings are uncivilized predators out to get you and your precious spawn.


I Refuse to Get Your Baby a Gift

woman scowling at baby

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a scrooge. I love this time of year. I like dressing up and going to holiday parties. I like overeating and overdrinking. I like buying presents for my friends and family. What I don't like is buying a present for your baby. I'll explain.


The Childless Bitch on Holiday Shopping

woman in a shopping mall
It's Black Friday and guess who will not be stepping into a mall today? Me!


When Did Daylight Savings Become D-Day for Moms?

Mother and crying baby

One by one, I read the complaints on Facebook. Everything from "This is my second least favorite day of the year for baby Lucy -- my first is springing ahead," to "Daylight savings was invented by a man who never had to deal with a toddler," to "This is seriously messing with my kid's nap time." To which I say, what the eff are you crazy people even talking about?!


Keep Your Kids Out of My Neighborhood!

childless bitch hates trick or treaters

Some people think handing out candy is fun. To me, it's just plain annoying.


Is Your Baby Fined by the Fashion Police?

baby wearing pink head band

Yes, my ovaries shriek a little when I walk into a Baby Gap and pull out the tiniest sundress that is so precious if it were 40 sizes bigger, I'd totally buy one for myself. I dig baby fashion. With one giant exception -- and it's not Crocs.


Junkies and Pregnant Ladies Have Lots in Common

annoyed looking woman

I just don't think "I'm pregnant" qualifies as a decent excuse to never call me back -- because you're not on drugs. You're just pregnant.


No Bumps in the Club

pregnant woman in a dance club

While you were enjoying your cul-de-sac barbeque this weekend with 89 of your neighbors' precious children, I was in Las Vegas, enjoying one hell of a fabulous single girls' weekend. It was all to-die-for, except for one BIG bump that really killed the scene.