As a modern working mother, I would like to now request being fired from several of the following jobs: Nurse, Bus Driver, Coffee Maker, Cheerleader, Dishwasher, Short-Order Cook, Recycler, Laundress, Dog Walker, Walking Complaint Box, Family Risk Management Specialist, and Shoe Tie Expert.

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Ah, the ol' end of the school year celebration: It was like "Clan of the Cave Bear" meets "Lord of the Flies." It was everyone's turn, it was no one's turn. It was Armageddon.

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My husband and I lived in Germany for three years with our young kids. Now I know why people say Europe is a very family-friendly place -- there is beer at every event.

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My 11-year-old daughter had her birthday party at a Family Fun Center last week. It looked a bit like a Family Planning Center, if you ask me.

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The School Auction. I love to hate it. Every school has one now, and just as we were conditioned to the school prom every year, we now are conditioned to this yearly torture.

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Springtime and softball games. Cut grass and worn leather softball mitts. Cut oranges, freshly raked dirt, smiling girls ... and wait, what is that noise? The screaming? Who are those people?

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PTA meetings turn me into the naughty 7th grader I once was.

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I belonged to a Book Club once. It was a group of friends and we were mostly new moms. We drank a lot of wine and never really got to the book part.

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