Trick-or-Treating Is Hazardous to Your Health

Honey, Our Babies Are Drunk

This weekend, we attended a Labor Day party at a neighbor's house. Before we left home, my husband and I reviewed the list of rules with our kids. Due to an unfortunate oversight, we forgot to include "Do Not Consume Alcoholic Beverages" on the list of no-nos.

Thongs for My Tween?!

Is it just me, or is tween underwear just way too sexy?

Keep Your Porn to Yourself!

I love public libraries, especially in the summer. Air conditioning, free books, story hour, and perverts looking at online porn. What more do you want?

Teens: Stay Out of My Kids' Park!

Every time I take my kids to the park, I encounter teens making out. What gives?

I'm Fed Up with School Fundraisers

When I told my kindergartner that I was thinking of sitting her last fundraiser out, she threw herself off the sofa. "Now I'm not going to get that Wii!" she cried.

The Case for One More

I had my kids close together ... real close. A week after adopting my newborn daughter, I found out that I was pregnant with twin boys.

The Going Rate of Baby Teeth

After my daughter lost her first tooth, she thought she'd hit the jackpot. "Melissa got a bike and Danielle got a Wii and Lucy got 18 horseback riding lessons and Olivia got an iPod that you can watch movies on," she exclaimed. Huh?

Ear-Piercing Parties ... for 6-Year-Olds

A few days ago, my six-year-old daughter received an invitation in the mail to a friend's birthday party. The party is being held at a children's hair salon in town. Each of the party guests will be treated to a beauty treatment of her choice: a manicure, a pedicure, a classy "up-do," or a free ear piercing. I was a little disappointed that there wasn't a box labeled "tattoo," because I would have checked it.

Family Friendly Store Isn't So Family Friendly

Forget the Resurrection and where babies come from -- one of the hardest concepts for my kids (6-year-old girl and 5-year-old twin boys) to grasp is why their favorite clothing store sells soccer balls ... and why they aren't allowed to play with them.

Soap in Mouth

The other day my 5-year-old son came home from preschool talking about feces and the body part that expels them ... in great detail. After several warnings, I banished him to time-out. Ten minutes later, when the subject of rectums was raised again, I threatened to wash his mouth out with soap.

My Kid's Best Friend's Mom Drives Me Nuts

One of the biggest mommy myths is that you have to be friends with the parents of your child's friends.

Open My Present -- in Front of Everyone!!

Included among the things have gone the way of the dinosaurs is opening presents AT your birthday party. It's not done much anymore ... but I kind of miss it.

Wipe Your Own Kid's Butt!

I wiped three butts yesterday, only one of which belonged to a member of my family ... and that family member is four months old. The other two rear ends belonged to my six-year-old daughter's friends.

Adoption Double Standard

It's okay to be frustrated with your child ... unless that child is adopted.

The Problem with MLK Day

Making Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday was a HUGE mistake.

Mom Has Fake Twins

How one mom responds when getting rude questions from strangers.

Don't Raise Ungrateful Kids

Want to help your child get in good with his friend/teacher/grandparent/distant uncle? Encourage him/her to do something that no one else does: write thank you notes for the holiday gifts he/she received this year.