first response conception diaries

Back in Sacramento

Wednesday, May 6, 2009
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Anh-Chi: So I'm back home in Sacramento, after having spent several weeks in southern Cali. It was nice spending time with my family; I don't get to see them very much, so I always love reuniting when I get the chance. I especially enjoyed bonding with the kids, including my nieces Camille and Demi and my nephew Ryan. They're all soooo much fun, and full of vibrance and energy! Demi is 3 years old, and blossoming into a beautiful toddler. She's starting to talk a storm in Vietnamese, and I'll painfully admit she's getting better at her language skills than I am! Sometimes she'll blurt certain words that I don't even recognize!

Anh Chi

I know, I know ... I should practice my Vietnamese more often so I can set a good example for my own future kids ... It's hard though, since I've grown up speaking English most of my life.
And then there's Ryan, who's just 4 months shy of turning 2 years old. He loves his plush monkey stuffed animal, and just "monkeying" around. Oh, and did I tell you that he loves to dance? He'll turn on his own music, and start dancing away with the cutest grin on his face. I didn't get to tape that moment, but I kept on laughing so much because it was so adorable. He couldn't understand why I was getting such a kick out of it ... kids, they do the darnedest things! My family and I were gathered around him, sitting inside his playpen, and just admiring his every move. 

I haven't felt this kind of warmth in a really long time; truthfully it's been 8 years since I've experienced the joys of bonding with family and a new baby. I can now vividly remember what it was like living with my niece Camille. It was 3 women raising a little baby together (my aunt, mom, and myself). I can't tell you enough how amazing those years were. We all had the privilege of watching Camille grow -- uttering her first word, taking her first step, playing her first piano note, and many other special moments. For the first time in my life, I felt this overwhelming sense of purpose and bliss. Camille was my little angel, and brought an indescribable amount of happiness into my life. I was always mesmerized by her sheer cuteness, and loved kissing her fresh-smelling skin, especially her tiny hands. I was so consumed with spending every minute I could with her, that I couldn't focus on school sometimes. That's how distracting she was ... I can only imagine what it'd be like having my own baby!!! I can't pinpoint why Camille made such a powerful impact on me, since I was only 18 at the time. My maternal instincts just kicked in, and I love her as though she's my own (even to this day). My husband and I have even agreed that if Camille ever needs a caretaker in the future, we'd be happy to become her guardians. Camille even said she'd love to stay with us for an entire summer! 

I'm now yearning for that incredible sense of love once again. I can honestly say it's one of the greatest loves a woman can experience. The more you give, the more the child gives back. At the end of the day, that's what really matters. You can have the most successful career, and greatest luxuries, yet still feel empty inside. Loved ones give you true purpose and fulfillment though ... and that's absolutely priceless.

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