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I Lost My Baby

Thursday, July 9, 2009
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I feel as though my world is crashing in on me ... I had a miscarriage 9 weeks and 5 days along in my pregnancy.


Korto: I paid a visit to the ER due to spotting. A full examination was performed; vitals, blood work, urine, cervix checked (which was deemed closed ... good), external and vaginal ultrasound performed. The baby was fine and had a healthy heartbeat. After nearly six hours in the emergency room, I was told I had a threatened miscarriage, which means if I don't take it easy, I could lose my baby. I was advised to stay off my feet and get plenty of rest, and if the bleeding got worse or was accompanied by cramps, I should return.

I went home, quit my job, and tried to stay off my feet as much as I could. But as the days went on, I noticed a change in my discharge. It was mucus-like with bloody streaks (TMI). Then I had a huge scare -- I felt a stream of fluid come out. I ran to the restroom to find I had completely soaked through my panties; and it was bright red. There were no clots or tissues. The bleeding was very quick and stopped after I went to the restroom. I called my husband (who was commuting home from work) and asked him to meet me at the hospital. In the ER, a full examination, including ultrasound, was once again performed.

Surprisingly, the baby seemed unfazed; he/she had a strong heartbeat of 160 and was growing on pace. This time I was told I had a uterine fibroid that might be the cause of the bleeding. I was sent home and advised to continue resting and to follow up with my primary doctor. The next day, I called my doctor, but he was unavailable, so the on-call doctor took my call. After hearing what was going on with me, he reviewed my ER chart and told me that my first ultrasound results revealed some blood behind a portion of the placenta, which might be the cause of the bleeding. I was shocked to hear this, because I had been to the ER twice already and not once was I told this. Furthermore, he was very vague; he didn't give me any clear information about the condition. I got off the phone feeling even more confused about my situation.

I decided to do my own research. After searching the Internet, I found out I had a subchorionic hematoma, or SCH. SCH is a gathering of blood between the membranes of the placenta and the uterus. A more technical name is the chorion. Some doctors will also just refer to it as a blood clot. There is no known cause for an SCH, but many researchers speculate that during egg implantation, the egg slightly separates or tears from the uterus, causing a bleed. There is nothing a woman did or could have done to cause or prevent them. SCH occurs to pregnant women of all ages and races. In many cases, an SCH heals itself by the 20th week.

A few days later while at a BBQ (reclining, of course), I had another big bleeding episode -- this time accompanied by clots. I was convinced that I was losing my baby. I began crying uncontrollably. After being rushed to the ER and having the routine tests done, the baby was deemed healthy and growing. However, I was now told (by the same on-call doctor, who happened to be at the hospital) that I have a cyst which might have burst, causing the bleeding, or it could be an SCH. Basically, the doctors didn't know exactly why I was bleeding. I was told that there's not much they can do at that point but recommend bed rest, considering I was only 9 weeks pregnant.

Three days later, my doctor had me come in (although my regular appointment was two weeks away), just to check on the baby's heartbeat. My little bean looked great on the ultrasound ... moving around with a strong heartbeat. I went home very pleased. Then all of a sudden, the bleeding seemed to have gotten worse and was accompanied by cramps. I hesitated calling my doctor because I knew he would ask me to go to the ER. At this point, I hated the ER! I hated the fact they were always drawing so much blood and running so many tests on me but never giving me a complete answer. After being convinced by my husband, I decided to go in. Assuming this would be one of my "routine ER visits," I pleaded with my husband to stay home, as he was sick with the flu. I had my 12-year-old daughter accompany me.

I arrived at the ER at 10:00 PM and explained to the intake nurse that I was 9 1/2 weeks pregnant and experiencing cramps and heavy bleeding. I was settled into a room and changed into a hospital gown. Fortunately, the pain wasn't unbearable, because two hours went by and still no doctor. Finally, I asked the nurse for my doctor. She informed me that it was a very busy night for them, but someone should be with me shortly. Less than a half hour later, a doctor came in to see me. I went through the usual routine of urine, blood work, pap, and finally (that which I was anticipating all night), ultrasound. The tech performing the ultrasound was the same tech who had performed my previous ultrasound. Previously, I had asked her questions regarding my results. She'd informed me that hospital regulations prevent her from disclosing patient information. I begged her to only tell me if she saw a heartbeat. Fortunately, she was kind and eager enough to answer yes. However, this time around, when I asked her the same question, she insisted that I wait for my doctor. Right away, I knew something was wrong. I began sobbing uncontrollably. She and a few others tried consoling me, but it didn't help. At this time, my daughter was fast asleep in my hospital room. But not for long. When I returned, my sobbing woke her up. She sat up on the bed, looked me in the eyes, and asked, "Mom, what is the matter ... does your tummy hurt that bad?" Right then, I was at a loss for words ... I didn't know what to say to her. I called my husband, and he was there within 15 minutes. I saw my husband cry like a child. My sister came along and picked up my daughter. I was admitted for a D&C procedure. Due to the busy state of the hospital, I had to wait over 28 hours to have the D&C performed (without food or drink, with the exception of an I.V.).

Around 24 hours after my baby was confirmed lost, I began experiencing contractions. The pains grew worse and mirrored labor pains. I was given morphine twice, but that didn't help. Finally a pill (I forgot what it's called) was given to me that eased my misery for a while. Right before going to the OR, I went to the restroom and noticed I was passing tissues (TMI again). After the procedure, I rested for a few hours and was sent home with instructions to take Motrin every six hours.

This has been one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life. It is very difficult to describe how I feel. I'm trying to find the silver lining in all of this, but can't seem to find it. Words cannot describe the sorrow that is currently hovering in my household. My daughter is confused and sad. For the first time, I saw my husband cry like a child. As for me, reality hasn't really kicked in yet. I'm trying to pretend that all is normal, but I know I have to come to terms with it sooner or later. I want to say thanks to all of our friends and families who have been especially supportive during this time.

Thank you!

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46 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

First off, I want to say how very sorry I am for your lost. I had a stillborn (daughter)at 24 weeks 2 years ago, due to blood clotting in the placenta (this was our first baby) and it was the worst thing I have ever been thru in my life. My husband took it worse than me, considering everybody around us were having healthy babies. We now have a 9 month old son and I am 5 month pregnant with a little girl. God will take something away just to bless you double time. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but he has something in store for you and your family. Your situation was made worst by how the hospital handled it. I will pray for you and your family and just remember your little angel in is heaven with God now, and will never be forgotten.
- Mrs. Collins
Posted 07/08/09 03:14 PM
Korto my dear i am soo saddened to learn about what has happened..i feel for you and your family!…but I know my words nor anyones else’s wont replace how u feel…but my prayers are with you and remember there is a light at the end of every tunnel!
- toya
Posted 07/08/09 03:26 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
- Secret Mommy
Posted 07/08/09 03:36 PM
I’m so sorry, Korto…
- Amy
Posted 07/08/09 04:03 PM
Hi…I am so sorry for your lost… I experienced 3 miscarriages(1995,1996 & 2001)all were boys… I know the pain and disappointment you and your husband are feeling… My advice is too still take it easy..Wait for at least 1 year before trying again…One of my biggest mistakes was to keep trying too close together… I had to change my diet, reduce my stress and pray…after all the heartache i am now blessed with 5 beautiful kids… Keep your head up! Peace and Blessings…
- Kimberly CJ
Posted 07/08/09 04:20 PM
I’m so sorry for your loss.
- Sarah
Posted 07/08/09 04:54 PM
Terribly sorry to read this news, Korto. I have appreciated reading your stories on this site, and my thoughts and prayers are strongly with you during this deeply sad time.
- Lucy
Posted 07/08/09 05:02 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and i have been through this. I had 3 daughters followed by 3 miscarriages. We really wanted a child together although you would never know that the girls werent his unless we told you. But we did want 1 more atleast, with each one we lost I worried more and more if a baby togdther was possible. All I can say is God has a reason for everything. When we put it out of our minds and least expected it along came our wonderful suprise! She is now 7 months old and very busy! Your in my prayers and may God bless.
- Susan
Posted 07/08/09 06:23 PM
Oh, bless your heart! I know how that hurts.
- ame i.
Posted 07/08/09 06:25 PM
I’m very sorry for your loss! About a month ago I went through an ectopic pregnancy and it was the worst feeling in the world! My husband and I had been trying to concieve for five months and then all of that happened. All our friends are having healthy, normal pregnancies and babies and I didn’t understand, “Why me?!” I felt like the world was over and all everyone kept saying to me was, “Everything happens for a reason.” Easy for them to say… It got to a point where I wanted to punch the next person who said it. I know its hard, but in my eyes, I would have rather had a miscarriage because its the body’s way of saying things didn’t start out right and maybe this baby would have had lots of medical problems. With the ectopic, I felt like it was all my fault and I should have taken better care of myself so my tube wouldn’t have been blocked. Maybe it is terriable of me to say, but thats just how I feel. I hope that things go better for you, and just think, now that you have gotten pregnant, it will be easier to get pregnant again soon after. Thats what I have been telling myself and it has been getting easier to deal with the pain and heartbreak that I felt, and I’m sure you are feeling now.
- Hannah
Posted 07/08/09 07:05 PM
Korto, I am so so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the sorrow. You & your family continue to stay in our prayers to get through this difficult time.
- Wendy
Posted 07/08/09 07:25 PM
Korto Sorry to hear about your loss. I’m not sure why things like this happen because it also happened to me also many years ago before I had my son. All I can tell you is everything has a reason. Please take good care of yourself. I do hope you can try again soon.
- Gigohead
Posted 07/08/09 08:14 PM
I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. I am glad that you have so much love and support.
- Monica
Posted 07/08/09 08:40 PM
My thoughts are with you, and I wish you the best.
- Barb
Posted 07/08/09 08:47 PM
I am so so sorry for your loss.. and i too can relate.. only i was 14 weeks along with twins.. we lost both and it was so hard for my husband and i. and i also did not have anyone to talk to about it because none of my friends knew what i was going through. not even my husband would talk to me about it because as he said he just wanted to forget about it, that was hard for me to hear but every one takes the news different. i can only tell you that i am sorry to hear this and i wish you and your family the best!!
- KiKi
Posted 07/08/09 11:36 PM
Korto, I’m so deeply sorry about what happened to you and your husband. I haven’t been checking the conception diaries blogs today, and when I did I was just struck by your news. I’m speechless and have no words to describe how much I feel for you. I had a miscarriage several years ago, and although my pregnancy was unplanned it was still a traumatic experience. The hospital stay wasn’t too pleasant and my husband was deployed for 4 months at the time. I was so happy to hear you were pregnant at first and was even looking forward to seeing you and your baby in the near future. I’m still praying for you nonetheless and know 110% that good things will come for you. You have a wonderful soul and heart, and you deserve a beautiful and healthy baby! Wishing you and your family peace and happiness.
- Anh-Chi
Posted 07/09/09 04:14 AM
Korto, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure the pain and heartache you are feeling is incomprehensible. Please know you and your family are in my heart and prayers.
- Meredith
Posted 07/09/09 09:16 AM
I understand your pain. My prayers are with you.
- Annette
Posted 07/09/09 05:54 PM
I’m so sorry Korto. I just wanted to offer my condolences, thoughts, and prayers. Take care of yourself in this difficult time.
- Gina B.
Posted 07/10/09 10:09 AM
I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. I had two miscarriages, both at 10 weeks, before getting pregnant with both of my children. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. Wishing you peace and healing.
- The Mad Mom
Posted 07/10/09 10:41 AM

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