first response conception diaries
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I'm Feeling Quite Overwhelmed

Wednesday, May 6, 2009
filed under: Korto

Korto: For the most part I've always been in control of my life; no matter the situation. I've always believed with hard work and dedication I can accomplish anything I set out to do. However, trying to conceive has been one goal that has been out of my control. And I'm overwhelmed.

Korto

Everyone tells me, "You're young, just relax and take care of yourself, it will eventually happen." Although this is excellent advice, it's much easier said than done.

I treat my body as though I'm already pregnant; I exercise, eat right, and take my prenatal. However, since I embarked on this journey, I can't seem to control my anxiety. I've always assumed that I could get pregnant by just simply having sex. But as you all can see, it's not that clear-cut.

For that reason, I am filled with anxiety and constant worrying. Each day I am consumed with thoughts from the possibility of not ever getting pregnant, to the joy of having a little one around the house.

Although I've been going through the disappointments of negative pregnancy tests for nearly 8 months, my heart still breaks each time and I experience a crash that I can't seem to get used to. Sometimes I get really depressed, and stay in bed all day crying, and other times I just get on my knees and pray and hope for the best the next time around.

Most days I drift off into daydreaming of my little one. Who's he or she going to favor; me or my husband? How much I can't wait to kiss his/her cheeks and belly. As joyful as these thoughts are, sadly they're often accompanied by the thoughts of the possibility of never conceiving.

I just want a baby! Is that too much to ask?

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previous: Back in Sacramento
next: I Am So Excited to Start the Testing!

filed under: Korto

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