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I'm a Failure!

Thursday, July 16, 2009
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Meredith: I feel like such a failure! Well, technically, I am a failure ... That's right, you guessed it -- I got another negative or NOT PREGNANT on my First Response Early Pregnancy Test. WHY!!!! What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I do the simplest, most natural thing in the world ... get pregnant?

I bet if I was 14, I would have no problem at all procreating. I seriously need to start considering my options.

Option 1. Keep trying and attempt to not let the disappointments push me further and further into a depression.

Option 2. Forget about getting pregnant. Be grateful for the son I already have and move on.

Option 3. Seek help from a fertility doctor. Get poked and prodded and let procreation happen in a petri dish.

Option 4. Consider adoption ... I hear the simple act of even considering adoption is enough to get some couples pregnant.

I have been trying so hard to remain optimistic through this journey, but it gets to be very difficult with each heartbreaking month. How can women do this to themselves, sometimes for years, without getting pregnant? I just know I can't. I can't! I refuse to try in vain for another year. I need to consider some of my other options. Crying for eight hours straight after a disappointing pregnancy test is not an option for me anymore.

In the meantime, I will wait for my positive surge. Let's hope for a big miracle ... or baby in my future.

previous: The Journey Comes to an End!
next: Put the Sizzle Back into Baby Making

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11 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

I will keep you in my prayers!
- Melissa
Posted 07/16/09 11:06 AM
I’m so sorry Meredith - I totally understand your feelings as I too am going through the SAME thing month after month for the last 2 years now. While everyone around me is getting pregnant some without even trying - it’s very disappointing and depressing and I’m not sure how to get out of feeling this, or moving on. Good Luck with things…I will pray for you! Meredith
- Meredith
Posted 07/16/09 11:40 AM
Meredith, If there is a way to keep in touch so I can follow how things are going with you - that would be great. I also am the host of a Resolve Peer Support Group for infertility here in California - so if I can be of any help or support to you please let me know. And yes, my name is Meredith too :) (spelled the right way like yours!)
- Meredith
Posted 07/16/09 11:47 AM
Meredith and Melissa, Thanks for your comments. This is such an emotional struggle, I appreciate all of your support. Meredith, I will for sure let you know how things are going. It would be great to connect with someone that “gets it”. By the way, love your name :) I have never met another Meredith before.
- Meredith
Posted 07/16/09 12:57 PM
Meredith, well honey, what can I say?! You know you are not alone in this whole grand scheme of things. We are bouncing our options around too & nothing seems to catch our fancy right now, so we are taking a break for a little while. Hang in there no matter what you decide! Miss you!
- Wendy
Posted 07/17/09 08:32 PM
i was just wondering if your husband has ever went and got his sperm tested?
- megan
Posted 07/20/09 06:22 PM
Hi Megan, Thanks for your question. Yes, my husband did get his sperm checked. He has a great count and motility. Now, we just need to get those guys to my eggs.
- Meredith
Posted 07/21/09 02:25 PM
I am going through the exact same thing. My life just keeps on getting more complicated. My sister accidently got pregnant and my good friend is now trying. Feels like a damn race and I should be very happy for both my sister and my friend. I got so pissed this month with my negative test that I signed up for a marathon.
- Alisson Hamilton
Posted 07/22/09 10:55 AM
Hi My name is Chere and I’m 19 and trying, And although you probably think i shouldn’t but I’m , so it’s not as easy as you think for someone younger, and I’m Defiantly having problems 4 months and still not prego :( . So my advice to you is to stay optimistic and keep trying but don’t think about it so much,Ive herd that it usually happens when you don’t think about, and chill out, so let things happen and flow, have fun with having sex again rather then hoping this time will happen. But also you may wanna think about seeing an doctor if all else fails. Hope you conceive Chere’
- Chere'
Posted 07/23/09 11:42 PM
I know exactly how you feel I lost my virginity to my husband last year and I’m 24 I still can’t get pregnant I feel disappointed and like you said maybe I should of start having sex in my teenage sister who is 22 is now on her second child it’s really depressing but i’m not giving up and so should u..dont give up!
- melissa
Posted 07/25/09 11:34 AM
Im sorry for your disappointment I too have been trying to get pregnant and am getting these negative readings and I dont have a child to begin with. It hurts when you feel that you cant do something or that it will never happen. I will keep you in my prays
- Anonymous
Posted 11/28/09 09:18 AM
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