Meredith: Private disappointments are one thing; public disappointments are a whole new ball game. I have been trying to get pregnant for so long. Each month, another glimmer of hope that eventually gets snuffed out when my "friend" comes to call. I don't know why I thought it would be easier to get pregnant by focusing on it and journaling about it and videoing it. It's not! I guess I was just hopeful that by putting myself out there, I was bound to get pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am still hopeful, I am not giving up. I am just disappointed. I really am trying to not dwell on my negative result and focus on trying this month. My husband has scheduled his next business trip around my cycle and is being super supportive. I think I just want this too bad.

I don't know what happened with my cycle, but this past month I was a 26 day instead of my usual 28. I got my period when I didn't expect it. Always fun! Now, as I seem to be fluctuating between 26 and 28 day cycles, I am not sure when I am ovulating. Thank goodness for the First Response Ovulation Test sticks. At least with the sticks I can narrow it down to my two most fertile days. John and I are going to keep trying and crossing our fingers.

OK, that was it. I am no longer going to allow myself to wallow in self-pity. It does suck that I am not pregnant yet, but what good will feeling sorry for myself do? No more. Negative out and positive in. I need to change my mindset. Good things will happen. I just need to be patient.

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