first response conception diaries
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We Were Very Set That We Were Fine Without Kids ...

Monday, May 4, 2009
filed under: Wendy

Wendy: I have my instructions to get to Burbank today, and I haven't slept very well the last week because of the excitement leading up to this day. I didn't know what to expect when I got to the momlogic dinner & video shoot. After getting through traffic, which is always hellacious in SoCal, I left super early to make sure I wasn't late. (I'd rather be 2 hours early than 1 minute late.) I found the hotel, which was a beautiful hotel tucked in a residential area but it didn't have regular parking, so I drove around and around the hotel for a few minutes to see if I needed to park on the street. After calling Jen, she told me to go to the valet and check into the hotel. Mind you, I was a nervous wreck but gave up my car keys and checked into the hotel. My room was so crisp and sharp with great design and color schemes. I was able to rest for a few minutes because I couldn't sleep. I headed to the hotel lobby to meet with everyone.

wendy and her husband

I entered the lobby and naturally approached two women who were standing near the lounge. It was Korto and Absidi. I introduced myself and they were so nice, sweet, and probably just as curious as I was about what to expect the next couple of days.

Gillian and Jennifer walked into the hotel and introduced themselves to us. Then, Anh-Chi and Meredith arrived, we sat in the lobby to gather our thoughts and be given a brief overview of what was going to occur that evening. We headed across the street to this cute and cozy French restaurant, another gem tucked away in a strip mall.

The food was amazing but the conversation was more fascinating than I could have ever imagined. The primary discussion of conceiving a child was peppered with topics such as marriage, career, upbringings, hobbies, lifestyles, and choices. We had two things really in common: wanting to have children, and we were all women. How we got to this place in time, we had and continue to have our own unique challenges and journeys, which I found very interesting and inspiring.

We ranged from ages 22 to my old ass of 38 years. Being almost twice as old as the youngest lady was unusual for me because what would possess a young person who has everything going for them to be held down by having a child at such a young age? I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, but when I was 22, I was building a stronger marriage, career, and education. Having a child is a miracle and to give them anything less than the best is what I strive to achieve with regard to love, protection, faith, and the resources they will need to survive to adulthood. I mean, money isn't everything, but love doesn't put food on the table.

I grew up in the "hood," and my parents did the best they could raising my siblings and myself and did a wonderful job with us and we are better human beings for it; however, my ambitions and goals are more indicative of the times and this harsh place called the real world. Yeah, you know, I admit it now that I am going to be a helicopter parent, but I don't care what people will think, because they're my kids!

What was so apparent to me was the obvious desperation in some of the women to conceive. I have found in my life that the women who want kids sooooo bad always struggle with conceiving, and women who don't mean to get pregnant, get pregnant. I did become pregnant when I was 28, but I knew from the beginning of the pregnancy that something was wrong. After confirming that I indeed was pregnant, I had to get to the doctor for a blood count. Turns out, I had an ectopic pregnancy and I needed life-saving surgery because I was hemorrhaging into my stomach. I never grieved that experience because I was not in the mindset of "having a child." It sounds cold and insensitive, but now that I look back, if the pregnancy would have made it to full term, we would have an 11-year-old child, which would have shaped our lives differently than where we are now.

The conversation at dinner was great and we ended up spending over 2 hours talking to and responding to each other's thoughts and opinions. We ended the evening with fun banter and looking forward to the following day. I didn't sleep well in anticipation for the next day. After all, this would be the definitive beginning of the rest of our lives.

We all met in the lobby early in the morning to be shuttled to the studio. I could feel the excitement and maybe fear or nervousness of being on camera rather than the topic of conceiving. Meredith and I had a compelling conversation in the limo on the way to the studio. We were concerned about fertility. I mean, you have to be fertile to be able to conceive, so the anticipation of finding out our fertility test was of concern.

We arrived at the studio and the momlogic crew was waiting for us. I was in awe of the support and help that we received from everyone. They all really had our best interests at heart, and you could feel the warmth from everyone. We were directed by the producers to stay real, ask questions, and have fun!

Our video session with fertility specialist Dr. Ahlering went well and I think all the ladies had a chance to ask questions particular to their situation. He was very informative and was a funny guy. We had to take a pregnancy test for the shoot, which wouldn't have made a difference if we were or not, but it's nice to start with a clean slate.

After a couple of hours of enjoyable conversation under bright lights and camera people around us, we concluded our session and headed to lunch. It was such a special experience to get to know these unique women and take away a very "one-of-a-kind" experience. After having our headshots taken, we were shuttled back to our hotel and released.

The entire drive back home, I wondered to myself, "did that just happen?" I started thinking of the magnitude of what I had just been a part of and will be part of for the next eight weeks. I hadn't told many family and friends about this adventure because they probably wouldn't believe me. If any couple in the family would go through life just married and with no kids, it would be us. Our family would confirm that. Until recently, we were very set that we were fine without kids, but something changed in us that children would make our blessed life complete.

I arrived home to an empty house, as my husband was traveling for work -- I could only share my experience of the video shoot with him over the phone, and he wouldn't be back home until the end of the week. I found myself with alone time to sink myself into the reality of preparing for a child in every way.

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