Dr. Fox says that there is good news for the 56% of women who want to have more sex: Desire is more than half the battle. Figure out why you aren't having sex as often as you would like to. Then make a plan to overcome those obstacles. There are three stages leading up to sex--getting stuck in one can limit the whole experience. Figure out where your problem lies and get busy solving it.
Desire: The first stage of sexual experience is desire. This is the area of the most common sexual difficulties in couples. Do you want to have sex but your partner doesn't? This is a problem of desire. If you are the one who lacks desire, examine why. Are you mad at your husband? Does he treat you well? Are you comfortable with your body? Do you feel sexy? Are you overtired? Stressed? What does it take for you to desire your husband?
- If you are angry, deal with the issues that prevent you from wanting to connect intimately with him. See a counselor or talk out what is bothering you.
- If you don't like your body, take steps to feel more comfortable. Women who exercise have more sex than women who don't. That is in part due to increased testerone levels, but more likely due to feeling better about their bodies. Buy sexy lingerie, take a bath, enjoy the sensuality of your body.
- Overtired? Get busy on the couch or somewhere other than the bed. 88% of women surveyed said that they have sex in bed. No wonder you feel sleepy! Put on some sexy music and dance with your man--get your blood pumping!
Arousal: If you desire sex, but the act isn't as enjoyable as you wish, you likely need more foreplay. Let him know that you'd like to make-out for a while. If it is difficult to slow him down, start somewhere else. Begin by taking a shower together--offer to lather him up and vice versa. Don't forget to kiss! Too many couples forget the importance of sensual kissing.
Release: If you are enjoying sex, but it is not completely satisfying, yours is a problem of sexual release. If you have never achieved orgasm, read some books to gain a better understanding of your body and the cycle of arousal. If you are recently experiencing what seems to be a glitch in your body's sexual response, it could be due to medication (many antidepressants have sexual side effects), painful intercourse (vaginismus), or your husband's premature ejaculation which doesn't allow you enough stimulation to reach climax. See a medical doctor to rule out medical factors and see a sex therapist to help you and your husband figure out exactly how to make sex more pleasurable for both of you. I guarantee that if you enjoy it, you will want to do it more!
Dr. Fox's Four Tips to Avoid a Sexless Marriage:
1. Talk to your mate and let them know that sex is important to you. 77% of the women surveyed said that sex was somewhat to very important to them. Their husbands need to know that! If you can't talk about sex, you aren't likely to feel comfortable having sex. Share with him how you feel, what you want and what you need from him. Talking intimately leads to feeling connected emotionally which increases desire to express that connection sexually. In that sense, talking is actually foreplay!
2. Don't let it go. Every couple experiences dry spells in the bedroom due to stress, children, travel, medical conditions, etc. Don't let it go unnoticed that this is unusual for you to go this long without sex. Talk about it and let your spouse know that it is important to you that you reconnect sexually as soon as you are both ready. This ensures that the dry spell will not become your new sexual pattern.
3. Address whatever is keeping you from connecting intimately. Is there a relationship issue brewing? See a counselor. Is he working too many hours and exhausted when he gets home? Schedule a date on the weekend and put the kids to bed early. You don't feel sexy because you have gained weight? Get to the gym. Women who work out report having more sex and higher libidos than their couch potato friends. If there is chronic low libido, both of you should see a medical doctor to rule out any disorders, such as depression, prostate issues, hormone imbalances, etc.
4. Take action. We are creatures of habit and sometimes the best thing to do is do it! Getting out of a sex rut can be as simple as making the first move and going for it.