How do you help your own teen survive a Miley/Nick-style split? Psychologist Dr. Lisa Boesky, author of When to Worry: How to Tell if Your Teen Needs Help and What to Do About It, shares the following pointers:
• Don't minimize the extent of your teen's pain. You know they will fall in love again, but they don't. Their pain is real and should be validated--whether they were with their boyfriend or girlfriend weeks, months, or years.
• Allow your son or daughter to feel what they feel--sadness, disillusionment, anger. You might secretly think they should be over it in days or weeks, but it could take months. Be patient.
• Encourage your teen to stay busy with friends. Many people unintentionally ditch their pals when they're in a relationship. It's time for your teen to make calls, apologize for being MIA and make plans to hang out.
• Distract your teen with family activities. Someone who's in the midst of a breakup needs to know people love and care about them.
• Have your teen write down and talk about the negative traits of their ex. After a breakup, many teens idealize their ex and only think of the positive times. But no one's ex is perfect--help your teen remember that.
• Help your teen make plans for the future--this weekend, next week, next month. It's so easy to get stuck in the past and reminisce about what could have been. Get them looking ahead--even if it's just in slow baby steps.
• Remind them that this is not the time for major life decisions. After a major breakup, many teens want to change schools, move out of state or ditch college plans. These decisions are often a direct backlash against the one they loved and are not a good idea. Minor life decisions, like Miley dyeing her hair black or a teen listening to a new kind of music, are normal, however, and are nothing to be concerned about.
• Know when it's time to get help. If your teen begins using drugs or alcohol, withdraws from friends or family, starts to do poorly in school or their mood has taken a major downturn for two weeks or more, talk to a professional to make sure their typical teen blues aren't turning into major depression or even suicidal behavior.
Tune in this evening to CNN's Showbiz Tonight to watch momlogic's family therapist Dr. Shannon Fox discuss Miley Cyrus' breakup with Nick Jonas. They began dating at just 13, but Miley says they were "in love" and that the breakup "devastated" her. Are teen stars growing up too fast, too soon?
Has your teen or tween experienced a breakup? If so, how did you help them deal with it?
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