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Teen: 'Moms, Give Us Guidence!'

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One teen says harsher rules will prevent your children from making mistakes.

We posted Teen Sex, Drinking & Depression, that talked about a docu-series on WE tv that followed several teenagers from freshman year to graduation. The teens faced issues with drinking and pregnancy, among others. Pony, a teenager, responds to the post: "Well, I'm also a teen and have seen this life. I have realized that it's killing young teens only because we are ignorant. If mothers could just start a community that says 'no' to all this by beginning to say 'no' to your teenage child going out late at night. Control or change begins with you at home. Lay down some principles; your child has no choice but to live by them. You as a parent don't have to answer to them; they answer to you. Don't be a friend and forget to be a parent."

Miche, a mom, replies: "This is so true. As a mom I agree with you. We need to say no and deal with the the yelling and anger when it happens."

Do you think that harsher rules would be effective with your children?

7 Comments

if you set rules that are too harsh, your kids WILL break them, whether you know about it or not. "say 'no' to your teenage child going out late at night"? would you rather they sneak out after you fall asleep? be reasonable, saying "im the boss and i dont owe you any explaination" will only make your kids angry and rebelious. stick to fair and basic rules and explain youre reasoning behind them, let your kids know about your concerns and make sure to emphasize the fact that you set these rules in order to protect them, not to control them. if your child knows you trust them and allow them certain priviledges, they will be greatfull and willing to stay out of trouble in order to honor and uphold that trust and therefor keep their priviledges and MAYBE gain some more...and that my friends, is what growing up and becoming responsible is all about. bad behavior = priviledges revoked and trust lost.

We are all preching to the Chior. Everyone on this board seems to get it. The hard part is all the parents not on this board. The parents who want to be 'friends' with their kids out number us 10-1 Many I know pay lip service to the values expressed hear but do not practice what they preach. Not having support of fellow parents in our town makes the job that much harder. We 'fight the good fight' and not many people 'have our backs'.

This is a great subject matter. I'm training right now to go into homes and help to empower parents to stand up and be parents! Kids need discipline and rules! The word NO builds character and also if you don't train your kids now, a judge will train them later. I know its not easy but we need to have structure and consistency. Parenting isn't for cowards and we need to stand up for the task. It hurts me when I see women having so many kids and not able to raise them properly. Its so easy to have a child, but its a job raising one with integrity and honesty. A child needs guidance every step of the way. I'm a mom to a 29, 21 and 15 year old and believe me I have made my share of mistakes, but I have sincerely tried to protect them as best I could. One of techniques I have learned this week while in parenting management training is to go up to your kid and look them in the eye, touch their shoulder or arm and say "Linda, please clean your room up now" and then wait until she gets up and goes to room to start cleaning it. When she's done say "thanks or I appreciate your work, good job, high five or something else nice.

I totally agree with momof9. Yes, there needs to be rules. Not only you have to have rules, but stand behind the rules and be willing to go through the concenquences if the rules are broken. I believe whole heartly that most parents now days parent out of guilt and what is easier, than have to deal with it at that momment. I follow through any of the consenquences given if both my children break one of the rules. (I'm consistant) Yes it is really hard, but I believe that it is the only way to gain the respect that you deserve from your children. And being a "friend" isn't what children need from you. You will have plenty of time to be their "friend" when they are adults. I'm my children's mom whom they feel confortable enough with to talk to and come to for advice. Knowing that, even if what they are about to tell is something I don't want to hear, Im still Mom and I will guide them in the right direction and help them make the right choice at that time. You'll make mistakes or give the not so right advice, but that is how we all learn.

Parents must do all of what has previously been discussed. We have to stop being so fearful.. mothers must give their children tools to use and stop being afraid to discipline and teach. I tried to be the cool mom- and allow my daughter alot of freedom. I did show her how to treat others and how to make good choices, but she did see me make lots of mistakes in a marriage to an alcoholic. She did not learn good boundaries and how to stand up for herself. But she did know that she was loved! But by me thinking she was such a bright, articulate girl, that she would make good decisions because she seemed to be so mature. In the end, we were having teen pregnancy scares and now dating men who are not good providers or even decent members of society....and it is killing me. She is a hard worker- finished school and now a nurses aide....but still doesn't live a good life and allows losers to suck her dry. I know that possibly if I had been more diligent and been more parental, that she would have learned stronger boundaries. I did not need to be the cool mom..... just the caring and strong one....... now I suffer and she suffers daily from it. All I can do is pray that I gave her enough good that she will rise above this stage unhurt physically or emotionally! Parents are held hostage by teens who threaten to call the police or CPS to say they are being abused.......but parents must stand their ground and only allow what their child is mature enough to handle to happen every day. A little bit of sheltering from the reality in the world isn't a bad thing....if done in moderation.

In my experiece if we as parents lead by example our children will turn out alright. But we must lead. We must set high standards and teach our children early that choices have consequences. We must teach them to be observers of society and to look for root causes of the tragedies we see every day. Working at a local homeless shelter on a regular basis. Working with a prison ministry. Working at a halfway house ministry for recovering addicts. Working with hospice to visit aids patients and cancer patients and allowing my children to love them and minister to them at the end of their lives. These thing are a part of our daily family life and they also serve as a daily reminder to my children that the choices we make in our lives can have long term tragic results. They learn compassion and the joy of serving they also sometimes learn when they talk to these people that sometimes bad things happen to good people for no real reason that we can understand. They get to feel the joy of an addict that has overcome and the pain & tragedy of losing and innocent child to aids. Sometimes they also learn that there are times when people bring themselves pain by choices they make. Sometimes when they talk to someone who has regrets they learn that this wonderful kind friendly human being they are now helping & learning to love did not start out as an addict when they took that first drink, that they did not intend to get lung cancer when they smoked that first cig, that they did not intend to get aids when they had sex outside of marriage or when they used that dirty needle. They never really thought they would ever end up in jail or on skid row. They often tell my children how choices they or someone close to them made affected their lives and this has helped my children steer clear of many of the pitfalls that some of their friends have fallen victim to. They have learned that we do not live in a bubble and that choices we make every day can affect others even people we do not know. Please understand I am not trying to come across as blaming the victims and I am not saying that everyone who gets cancer or aids etc. did something to cause it or that anyone deserves it. I am just saying that putting my children into this real world has helped them to have a better long term perspective on things. It has helped them to appreciate life to face death and to learn to love even when love is hard. It has helped them to see that "people are people" and they are all precious to God.

I agree! It is our job as parents to set the rules and stick to them. Kids do need to make some choices, however the ones that affect their health and well being should be left to the parent. I believe if you set the rules and tell the teen that there will be consequences for going against then is what they need. That is truely how to TEACH. A teen does not learn by doing and things going bad, because sometimes it does not end up really bad, so the teen will do it again. I believe a major problem with kids these days is that the parents are not parenting and the kids think that they can do what they want and they never have to be accountable for their actions.
My kids know there are consequences to every action and whether it is good or bad is up to them depending on the choice they have made. I think it is important for kids of all ages to know that parents set rules for reasons and the older they get the more you should give them the reasons. They really do need the structure and will feel much more loved for it in the end. You will also end up with a much better relationship with them as adults for being there and showing them the right choices to make.