Addictions create tough decisions for moms forced to choose between being there for her spouse and doing what's best for her kids.
Angelyn Miller, M.A., author of The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the One You Love, says, "Once a woman has kids, she starts looking at her children and wondering whether this life is going to be good for them. They didn't choose this path. The children begin to take precedence over the addict, and the woman's allegiance often shifts."
Have you been in this situation? What did you do?
I have been with my husband for almost 10 years and married to him for six. We have a 5 year old son. In 2005 he was arrested for possession of crystal meth. That is how I found out that he was an addict. My husband had been a pot smoker for years, and I was naive enough to believe that it stopped there. After he was arrested, I set boundaries of what would happen if he used ANY drug again. I stuck with what I told him, I gave him frequent drug tests and I believed that prison would "sober" him up. I was wrong. I found drugs in our garage two weeks later. I kicked him out like I told him I would. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. He begged to come home. I told him that he needed to go to rehab and that would be the only way I would even consider letting him come back home. He went and we started to repair our marriage. This was in August 2005. In the beginning of Dec. 05, he relapsed again. That was it for me. I kicked him out and asked for a divorce. We separated, and I started the paperwork for the divorce. A friend of ours recommended seeing her preacher(he was a marriage counselor) before we went through with the divorce. By then my husband was sober and he begged me to go. I told him that it would take a miracle for me to ever trust him again. This man saved our marriage. My husband has been sober since Dec. 2005, after his second relapse. I can't tell you how much grief my mother gave me about kicking him out after he relapsed. She believed that if "I loved him", that I should stand by him through his troubles. She actually gave him a copy of her house key so that he would have a place to stay. (He told me this later, he never went to her house).
I never understood woman who stay with their children's father just because he is their father. I realized that I was the only one who could protect my son and I had to take responsibility for whatever I knowingly expose him to. The only thing I could promise my son by staying with his drug-addicted father was that he had a 99% percent chance of becoming an addict himself. My husband fought for his sobriety and won. I commend him for it and I pray for him everyday that he will continue to win his battle.