I have a 2 year old son. He doesn't live with me because I was 18 when I had him. I am now about to turn 21 and he is almost 3. He lives with my aunt and uncle and he calls them mommy and daddy. When should he know that I am his real mother? Also how should I go about it? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Well im 14 years old i was givin up by my mother when i was 2 1/2 when she chose drugs over me along with my other sisters. I would give anything to be with my real mother though because theres nothing like a mothers love. And if i were him i would want you to tell me the truth. Because growing up with out your real mother in your life is a living hell. See the only person that is kin to me is my sister and she's 17 and we rarely talk. But, i live in a foster home WHERE I AM LOVED but i would give anything to find my real mother. And your son deserves to know the truth. Your just going to have to gradually be more in his life. Let him spend the night, take him out to the park, try to talk to him about you being his real mother and how they were just being good "God Parents" or something and let him know that you are is mother and they are is aunt and uncle but of course they probably have grown attached so you should make them his godparents. I hope everything works out
In my experience children are perfetly capapble of understanding at any age that they have more than one mom & dad. Look at all the toddlers with divorced parents they just grow up always knowing and I think that is the best way to handle it. They can be given more details as the get older and start asking questions about why they have two moms or why they live with one mom instead of another or which mom had them inside her until they were born etc.
yes, telling him his mommy and daddy love him is very important. I was told my by mom that my grandmother was not a very nice person and that she had stolen me when I was a baby. talk about mixed up. I have a 7 year old adopted little girl that we have had since her birth and she has always know she was adopted but also that she is and was always loved.
Right now, he is too young to understand that. I think that you should wait until he is older. Also, you have to take into consideration that this could effect him in many different ways. If you are friendly with him and he trusts you, then it should be easy. Just calmly tell him and be very 'nice'. If you are very friendly with him, or don't talk to him a lot, then you should definitely get to know him before you tell him that he is actually your son. Make sure you tell him that his "Mommy" and "Daddy" love him very much, and no matter what, they will always love him.
It is my veiw that he needs to know at some point. I was raised by my grandmother and always thought my mother was my aunt. She was around for a few days at a time and then gone again. When she was there is was always fighting with my grandmother. I never knew why until one day when I was 6 and during an argument with my grandmother it was blurted out that she was my mother. I was very shocked and confused. I still don't know the whole story but I have alot of mixed emotions on the issue. I would have rather know sooner I guess. But I am very glad that i did find out. My mother and my relationship is good now and we are like friends but it has been hard. At some point he will find out and you will have to answer his questions and they may be hard ones. Think about it carefully. He is young now and might not understand but I wouldn't wait too long, it could harm your relationship in the future.
Do you plan on having him live with you? Is your role a mother to him now? Will he get confused? These are all questions I would ask. If you plan on keeping an 'auntie' type of a role, I would wait until he was older. But if you plan on transisitioning into his primary caregiver, why not start now?
So who is his legal guardian? If it is your aunt and uncle, you really need to talk to them about it. If they are legally his caregivers, the decision needs to be made by them, with your son's best interest in mind. That kind of information can be really confusing to a young child. While it might be personally gratifying for you to tell him, it might not be in his best interest. If you do plan to resume custody, though, the sooner you can tell him would probably be best. And you should be prepared to take him to a counselor if he has a hard time dealing with the change.
I have a cousin who had to give up her son when he was very young, but she remained a part of his life. He always knew that she was his birth mother and that she loved him, but he lived with his adoptive parents, and he calls them Mom and Dad. So it can work out if he knows, just make sure that he is able to understand the situation and be prepared for that relationship to change once he knows.