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How do I get over losing my mom?

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My mother just passed away this sunday and I feel so alone. It was all of the sudden and I feel as if my life has been turned upside down. I am the one in charge of all of the arrangements and sorting through her stuff with no one to help! I am a full time college student and a mother of two beatiful children and have a wonderful husband. YET I feel abandoned. PLEASE HELP!

52 Comments

I too lost my Mom. A year ago - today. I had been dealing with the running from one province to another and every two weeks, holding down a demanding job and taking care of my mom in the hospital - as much as I could, so she could go knowing I was the last one to take care of her. I like you had a heavy load to carry, but some how I found to strenght to keep going on. I know she would of done it for me. I really want to say that my thoughts are with you and some how you will get through it. Do not waste any energy wondering what other family members are doing or not doing - just do what you can - and what is in your heart. If you can't do everything, that is OK - believe me, I skipped a lot of the tradition rituals. I just needed a break and time to grieve and absorb what had happened over the past year.

My mother passed away barely over a month ago. She was my best friend. We shared everything. She had liver cancer and they tried chemotherapy and it didn't help. The cancer just kept spreading. So they called in hospice and I had to sit there and watch my mother and best friend die a little more and a little more every single day. It was so hard I don't know how I made it through without breaking. But I tried for her. I am about to turn 14 years old in less than a month. This will be my first birthday without her, and I don't know if I can make it. When I had a bad day at school, I would come home and she would listen to me and then give her opinion and tell me I knew what I needed to do. And then one day, she was even worse than before and I never thought that could be possible. We had family drive up from 2 hours away and sit. Then at 10:20 that night, I watched my mom take her last breath. She looked so scared and I just wasn't ready for her to go.

Im sorry to hear about your mom,I lost my mom about 8 years ago.So I know what you are going through.But the only thing that helped me was Jesus,If you have god in your life ask him to help you through this,get your bible and readJohn5:28-29 and it will comfort you.
May God Bless you

My mom died last monday. She was diabetic and had a severe stroke last year and her condition depleted ever since.I loved her dearly and we became best friends over the past 2 years.I now feel lost w/out her and have so many regrets and unanswred questions.I was her primary csregiver for the past two years. I have 2 sisters and one brother. I am the person in charge of making all of the arrangements. The whole experience is surreal. It's as if its happening but Im not realy here, Im just going through the motions. My mother was a great Mom but in her own way. She really spoiled us all. I have a seventeen year old daughter who was the first grandchild and very close with my mom, and a two year old that my mom barely got to know. For the last year of my moms life, my oldest sister has been dragging me in and out of court. First to have my mom deemed inapacitated so that she could take over my moms estate, "which isnt even worth that much". She won the first case because my mom was deemed so, but the judge put my aunt and I in charge of her property and personal needs. 7 months later- May 20, 2008 to be exact she dragged us back to have the judges decision revoked and to have my aunt and I removed so she could be appointed. The judge threw out her petition and my mom died six days later on Memorial day. The jist of it is. What do u do when your mom was a good person but made bad decisions. She always fueled this type of jealous rivalry amonst us and did not make a will because she thought that she would be here 4 ever and could never decide who was her favorite at the time. Being a just mother it shouldnt have mattered just divide everythig in 4. Her funeral is next week and the rest of my family and I are in fear because we know that my sister is hovering over the entire situation waiting 4 my mom 2 be buried so that she can serve us more papers to try to become administatrix of my mothers estate. My daughters high school graduation is Saturday coming; and the first 2 years of my sons precious life has been spent in and out of the hospitals and various dr. appts that my mother had. My not evil sister is as devistated as I am because she said she is so many unresolved issues and needs answers from my mom 2 find out why she did this 2 us and left us in this mess. I am so scared that I am going 2 have a nervous breakdown, or possibly never be able to get over this. What do I do now?

If you loved her you never will. I lost my Mother in April she was THE PERFECT MOTHER for her three children. The one thing that keeps us going is that we knew the great life she lived and now we have to make sure we do the same because we believe we can be with her when we die if we are good enough.
Mothers day was hideous because I loved finding a special gift for my Mother. I know Christmas and her Birthday will also be difficult. No one knew my and my siblings full story and when you have a great parent that you love, adore, and respect losing that parent is your greatest loss.
Everytime I miss my Mother I realize I gave everything I could, time, gifts, love and honor while she was alive. I continue to do so by honoring her and I fear if a relative or person in my family made a comment like a certain Presidential Candidate did toward his Grandmother that person would be attempting to pick up their teeth and would never stand again after their knee caps were broken by me my brother, my sister, and my sister and brother-in-law. WE HONOR my Mother and cherish her more than power, fame, fortune, etc. Again my Mother was the perfect Mother for me and my siblings and it sounds like your Mother was the perfect mother for you ... Perfection cannot be replaced but by going forward, helping others, being a good person and kind to others yOU continue to HONOR your Mother.
my father is still alive and a way to honor my mother is to assist my father and insure he is well taken care of and that I visit often. Another way to honor her is to help and insure the good welfare of my siblings, her other beloved Children.
I'm sorry to tell you but I miss my mother every day, but MAN I was so lucky to have her as long as I did. I am so fortunate to have had my perfect for me Mother, and from your expression you were lucky to have your "perfect for you" Mother.
Take care of the people she loved that are still living, and that includes you. Your loving Mother wants you to do that, but never disrespect anyone she liked or loved (like that disrespectful candidate) and by so doing you continue to respect and honor her.

Again, when you miss her, realize you miss her because you were so lucky to have her and you will see her again.

As for the arrangements. Make it simple, Graveside services beat long drawn out expensive spectacles that no one remembers and that make you cry more. If the gravesite is not selected select a place near your Father or if he has died a place you and your siblings can meet that is proximate, or a place where other family graaves are. If beongings have to be moved box them up and store them if possible for 6 months (A BASEMENT IS PERFECT) and then plan a reunion with siblings to sort the items at that time.
I again cannot stress SIMPLE IS always better, I went to a 3 hour death "celebration" where the widow tried to launch a singing career, got drunk, fell face first into the crotch of her priest, unzipped his zipper ...and ... well you get that ... that disrespectful event must have cost a few hundred thousand dollars and it was the most tragic disrespectful funeral i have ever witnessed.

Hello...I can not speak from experience because my mom is still alive, but my mom's mother pasted at age 54 when my mom was only 22 yrs old. She later had me when she was 28 yrs old. Growing up my mom often drove me by the neighborhood she grew up in and continues to recall memories about her mom and the joy they had together.

My mom lost her mom almost 36 years ago and continues to talk about her memories of her and thinks of her often. So, I can only imagine that this is a deep and painful time for anyone. As one of the previous comments said, everyone mourns differently. I would hope that at this time in your life you let those close to you love you and let yourself be loved and permit yourself to lean on those around you when you need it. Please don't feel like you are being a hassle and yes even seek additional counseling to fill in the extra time it takes to heal with someone that can further help you in ways that maybe friends and family may not.

It seems that this is a sorrow like no other and this is a reality we all go through one way or another. Look for solice in the fact that you are not alone and I hope you have some faith in the fact that she is in a wonderful peaceful place and that you don't have to forget her or let her go. She is still with you, maybe even more now than ever. Continue to love her and let her speak to your heart and soul.

Take time for yourself and take it day by day. Sometime's you will have good days and sometimes you will have bad days. You can live a happy life and still miss your mom.

God bless and I hope you find a way to continue to let love into your life and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you need to feel. Hang in there...

Hello...I can not speak from experience because my mom is still alive, but my mom's mother pasted at age 54 when my mom was only 22 yrs old. She later had me when she was 28 yrs old. Growing up my mom often drove me by the neighborhood she grew up in and continues to recall memories about her mom and the joy they had together.

My mom lost her mom almost 36 years ago and continues to share her memories of her mother. I ofcourse never met my Grandmother, but I feel like I knew her because my mom chose to share so much about her. So, I can only imagine that this is a deep and painful time for anyone. As one of the previous comments said, everyone mourns differently. I would hope that at this time in your life you let those close in your life love you and allow yourself be loved. Don't hesitate to lean on those around you when you need it. Please don't ever feel like your being a bother to anyone and yes even seek additional counseling to fill in the extra time it takes to heal with someone that can further help you in ways that maybe friends and family may not.

It seems that this is a sorrow like no other and this is a reality we all go through one way or another. Look for solice in the fact that you are not alone. I hope you have some faith in the fact that she is in a wonderful peaceful place and that you don't have to forget her or let her go. She is still with you, maybe even more now than ever. Continue to love her and let her speak to your heart and soul.

Take time for yourself and take it day by day. Sometime's you will have good days and sometimes you will have bad days. You can live a happy life and still miss your mom.

God bless and I hope you find a way to continue to let love into your life and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you need to feel. Hang in there...

If you loved her you never will. I lost my Mother in April she was THE PERFECT MOTHER for her three children. The one thing that keeps us going is that we knew the great life she lived and now we have to make sure we do the same because we believe we can be with her when we die if we are good enough.
Mothers day was hideous because I loved finding a special gift for my Mother. I know Christmas and her Birthday will also be difficult. No one knew my and my siblings full story and when you have a great parent that you love, adore, and respect losing that parent is your greatest loss.
Everytime I miss my Mother I realize I gave everything I could, time, gifts, love and honor while she was alive. I continue to do so by honoring her and I fear if a relative or person in my family made a comment like a certain Presidential Candidate did toward his Grandmother that person would be attempting to pick up their teeth and would never stand again after their knee caps were broken by me my brother, my sister, and my sister and brother-in-law. WE HONOR my Mother and cherish her more than power, fame, fortune, etc. Again my Mother was the perfect Mother for me and my siblings and it sounds like your Mother was the perfect mother for you ... Perfection cannot be replaced but by going forward, helping others, being a good person and kind to others yOU continue to HONOR your Mother.
my father is still alive and a way to honor my mother is to assist my father and insure he is well taken care of and that I visit often. Another way to honor her is to help and insure the good welfare of my siblings, her other beloved Children.
I'm sorry to tell you but I miss my mother every day, but MAN I was so lucky to have her as long as I did. I am so fortunate to have had my perfect for me Mother, and from your expression you were lucky to have your "perfect for you" Mother.
Take care of the people she loved that are still living, and that includes you. Your loving Mother wants you to do that, but never disrespect anyone she liked or loved (like that disrespectful candidate) and by so doing you continue to respect and honor her.

Again, when you miss her, realize you miss her because you were so lucky to have her and you will see her again.

Gosh, I feel all of your pain. My situation is a little bit different in that I was raised by my grandparents and when they died, I thought my world had ended. The most important thing that I did was to look at the situation for what it is and to look at it in the Biblical sense, it is a season. My grandfather used to say all the time that no comes here to live forever and he is right, although the thought of loosing a loved-one hurts no less. The one thing that I did do was pray and I leaned on the support of my family and friends. I also did not let anyone determine how I grieved because it was a process that I knew that I had to go through in order to overcome. While also going through this, I knew that my life and responsibilities would not end and I had to move forward. I also knew that my grandparents would never, ever want me to stop living because that would go against everything that they stood for and taught me. The only thing that I can say is that time really does heal and each year I find myself getting a little bit better. What I really do now is to take comfort in what they taught me and I apply that to my every day life. In that way I keep them with me and I know that they continuously watch over me. Your loved ones never leave you. Whether you recognize it now or not, they are with you in your heart, memories, and spirit. My prayers are with you all.

sorry sorry about your mother shes usally the most important persons in your life i don't think you get over somthing like that i wouldnt though it might help if you talked to God because he loves you and will comfort

I dont think you ever get over losing your mother. Im in tears as I type. I was 17 when I lost my mom and Im 29 now. I see her face everywhere. I think about her all the time. When my children ask about her I cant even answer. I asked my husband to explain to them where she was. My last son was born on her birthday. I lost my best friend and I cant get past it. I hope you can recover, but I just dont know how to advice you on how to do it. I am sorry for your lostand I truely understand you grief.

My wife's mother and father passed away one year ago. I lost mine several years ago. She is still grieving like it was yesterday. She talks about them all the time. I am very supportive but I don't know how I can help her. She went to grief counseling and sees a therapist.
Can somebody tell me if time will heal or is she going to mourn forever? We have many great things in life. We travel a lot and have many friends. And we are close and loving.

I lost my mother one month ago...I am going to read thru these answers myself, looking for help. I am in the same situation as the person asking the quetion only I am in my early 50s...but I have kids at home, I am alone in the arrangements and sorting and I too have a supportive husband. I wish you Peace as I search for mine.

When my mother pass away I was !9 years old. I got very mad at god for take her away from me.I walk away from god and started drinking so I wouldn't feel the pain.I felt so alone I try to kill myself... and said to mom I'm coming to be with you. Then I took pills alot and my long lost sister call right then and there.I told I'd call her back. So call 911 they put me on hold. At that piont I was'n sure how many pills I had taken so I call AA. They send someone to pick me up. The lady at the door ......She look just like my mother except for the red hair. That day I learn I was being selfish.....thinking god wasn't mean after all .And show an angle at my door. I learn the steps they suggest in AA. I'm close to god again.And stop drinking it will be 27 years sober this year

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing in this world like the relationship between a mother and child. I, too lost my mother several years ago suddenly and I can imagine the pain you are going through now. You may not get over the loss, but you will get through it and I can tell you that it will get better. During this painful time you need to really take care of yourself. Please know that when you grieve, God grieves with you. Draw close to your faith and you will receive solace there.

I encourage you to enlist your family members and friends to help with the arrangements. Sometimes people offer their help to us when we are grieving, but we turn them down. They may not know what to do so you need to assign projects for them to do to take the stress off yourself. Make sure you have quiet time and also allow yourself to talk about your mom. Call special friends and talk to them about how you are feeling. If they cannot handle it, talk to someone else because someone will listen and be a friend to you.

The most important thing I did while grieving the loss of my mom was to reach out to others. Since you are just now making her arrangements, it may be too soon. Soon you will be able so I encourage you not to feel sorry for yourself but reach out to others. At first Mother's Day after my mom passed, as dear friend encouraged me to go to a nursing home with her and serve the elderly ladies there. We brought cake and punch and served each of them. It was the biggest blessing for me and I am so grateful to my friend, Marci for suggesting it. It made all the difference to me.

Your pain will be long, but your love and memories will endure, comfort you, and be the balm to help you heal. My grandparents raised me, because my mother didn't want a baby tying her down. My grandparents did not have much, but I had a lot of love. When my grandmother died, I was lost. I am a Christian, and believe, as hard as it is at times, that there is a purpose, and plan. God says tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. I choose to thank God for allowing me to take care of her for 3 months and give me a chance to tell her how much I loved her. Instead, like so many who die suddenly, as many of my friends spouses, or children have. Your pain will take time. The void will not fill in, nor would you want it to. DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU HOW TO GRIEVE. I slept with my grandmother's sweater under my pillow for a year. She has gone on to heaven 15 years ago, but, it seems like yesterday at times. I still weep for her, and ask God to tell her "Hi" and I am 50. It seems a little early to be packing your mom's things, I do not know why you have to, but in the case with my mother, being the only child, and my father died when I was really little, it was left to me to pack up her house. It took me 5 years to do it. I could not bring myself to even step foot in her house.

Your pain is because of your love for her, and her love for you. In "your" time, the pain repositions itself. There will be a time you will be able to talk without crying. Angelina Jolie, the actress, lost her mom last year. For all her beauty, fame, money, she continues to mourn to this day. In Vanity Fair she opens up about her mother, and the pain, breaking down throughout the interview. I say this because she would give it all up to have her mom back. You might want to read her interview, the one she is on the cover.

Let the memories of your mother's love of you wrap cacoon you. Write, if it helps, all the little things she might have done for you. She isn't in the present realm, but she is all around you, and when you look in the mirror, you will see her, in your own eyes.

I think of how my grandmother would never, even when I was in my 20s, go without at least $5 in my pocket. I now do that with my children.

When my grandmother died, people were full of advice; "You need to move on...blah, blah, blah..." There are no guidelines when one loses a loved one, like a parent. My girlfriend lost her husband at the age of 36, while she was pregnant with twins, and had two children. The day after they found out she was having twin boys, Jay collasped on the way to the restroom. Never to come out of the coma. Alone, with a 6 year old, and 12 year old, being 3 months pregnant, her husband died a day after my friend's birthday, and 3 days before the 6 year olds birthday. My friend was overwhelmed. I say this because she is a R.N. and dealt with this all the time in the hospital. But, knew nothing of how to deal with it in her own world.

PLEASE try and take care, as previously suggested; KNOW YOUR MOM LOVED YOU; GET HELP with a COUNSELOR. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ITS OKAY TO FALL APART AND CRY, BE ANGRY, CONFUSED...but your mom would want you to honor her memory, and take care of yourself, and LOVE yourself, as she LOVED you. Because I believe, I know one day I will see my grandmother one day in heaven. She is not in pain anymore, is healed, and happy. I see her warmth in beautiful sunsets. I see her in all Lily of the Valley flowers. 15 years, I see her, still miss her, but she lives still because I make her baked beans, and creamed corn on toast, as yucky as it sounds, it was good...and I smile.

PLEASE, reach out there are professonials who can help you. If you want to sleep with a sweater under your pillow, its okay.

I will pray for you sweetheart, be kind and gentle to yourself, your mom would want that right now.

God keep you in HIS mighty hand and guide you.

I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your Mom & all the responsibility that goes with it. You must be overwhelmed with it all, not just the loss in itself! I lost my biologic mother when I was only 14 months old. I did not know her yet was told alot of good {and negative} things about her. My oldest sister found her barely alive, but she later died at the hospital. She suffered from manic depression, so it was hard, and {unfortunately} she also abused alcohol & prescribed drugs as well. I could never imagine going through this, yet alone survivng this with out going insane!!!! I lost my step mom then 41 yrs. and 4 days to the date of my biological mothers death! That is hard when it comes close to Mothers Day!!! Please, please, know that there are others out there who feel your pain & grieve with you over the loss of your mother, because, we too, have been through it & understand your grief, loss and pain. The emotions are high & low, and very unpredictable at times. Its hard to accept & it seems that with time it gets harder to deal with, because you feel the pain, the loss so much more real as the stages of your life go on and you wish your mother was there to share these stages/triumphs with her. But be re-assured, she is there for you yet, in spirit and she does know what you are going through. All you have to do is talk to her as if she were there with you in person. I firmly believe that our loved ones who have departed from this earth do hear us and know the trials we go through in our lives. I also look forward to that glorious day to when I know I will be reunited with my biological mother!!! One thing I found that helped me through the difficult times is to make a special spot in your house where you can put up pictures of your mother, a recipe, something personal of hers, that will bring a smile to your face as well as comfort to your soul when you look at these cherished things & think on your mother's life.That has helped me through alot of my losses! {I lost my step-mom & sister only 7 months apart,} so believe me, I know this helps in the healing process, cause I've tried it as a way to help heal the hurt & pain of loss, grief. I hope the best for you, and will pray that you find comfort & peace. Please know that your in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time.

I am sorry for your loss. My mom died a year ago today and my husband and I just returned from the cemetary. All the arrangements and personal effects (without help from my sibling) were foisted on me. I still feel alone and I still miss her terribly. Guilt about everything, is also constant now. There are many stages of grief, I guess. Remember one thing - and I mean this in the kindest way - you aren't the only one to lose a mother. We all have to go through it. It doesn't get easier but you have to accept the fact that she's gone. There is no other choice.

Oh dear Babas, your mother has never been closer to you. Even 10 yrs later I "talk" to mine daily and in my mind she responds with all the wit and wisdom I remember her for. Push by the grief and honor her by becoming all that would make her proud. She is watching over you as you handle this very real part of life's cycle. Now go teach what she taught you to your own children and count your blessings to have had a Mom who deserved such adoration from you. As you see, your "sisters" are here to catch you if you need.

I wish I could tell you that you will get over it - you won't. It has been 13 years. It is easier now, but I miss her with all my heart. SHE TOLD ME TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY. I try to remember that
even if I don't feel like being happy. If you have other family members it helps to get together and remember the good time with Mom

i am so sorry for your loss...it is a big one and one i can relate to. i had a similar experiece of being the one to clear her things, make the arrangements, etc. and it was so hard trying to be the strong one. it was 3 years ago and i still have my moments of grief. i wish i could tell you time will ease the pain but i miss her more and more. i find comfort in the memories we shared - so many that now the tears turn to tears of comfort knowing that we had shared special times. some people don't get that. i am the only one of her daughters that she never got to see get married or have children....but i know that if that day ever happens, she will always be in my heart. talk about her and cry if you need to...crying cleanses the soul. she would want you to move on and as difficult as that sounds right now - it will get easier as you turn your sadness of loss into gratitude of all that she gave to you. those memories will last forever. hugs!

DEAR STSTER
REALATIONSHIPS ARE OFTEN THOUGHT OF AS APPLYING TO CERTIN PEOPLE.
HOWEVER I DO NOT LIKE TO SEE ANYONE IN PAIN PLEASE EMBRACE YOUR HEART ACHE BECAUSE PEOPLE WE TRUELY LOVE INCLUDING YOURSELF NEED TO ALLOW OURSELVES A COMFORT ZONE ,SOMETIME EVEN THE MOST UNLIKELY PEOPLE TO ASSIST YOU DON'T
OVERWHELM YOURSELFJUST BE AS EASY AS POSSIBLE IF IT'S JUST YOU THEN GO AT BABAS SPEED ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS. LOVE BELIEVE ME PLEASE WILL EASE YOUR PAIN THERE NOTHING CAN OVER RIDE GODS GRACE AND LOVE THERE
IS NO TIME LIMIT SHORT OR LONG TERM REMEMBER THAT YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN I HOPE TO FEEL THE SAME LOVE ABOUT YOU, AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN YOU MUST CARE FOR YOURSELF YOUR MOM I HOPE SET A GOOD EXAMPLE AND EVEN IF THERE WE.RE DIFFICULT TIMES MOTHERS USUALLY WANT TO BLESS THEIR OWN
ALLOW GOD AND THE MEMORY OF YOUR MOM TO ALLOW YOU TO BE BLESSED AND BE CONFIDENT OF HOW DEEPLY SHE LOVED YOU . THAT IS LOVE NO ONE CAN MEASURE . BE WELL MY SISTER THANK GOD FOR YOUR MOM. IM SURE SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO HEAL AND BE HAPPY. MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOUR FAMILY.

DEAR STSTER
REALATIONSHIPS ARE OFTEN THOUGHT OF AS APPLYING TO CERTIN PEOPLE.
HOWEVER I DO NOT LIKE TO SEE ANYONE IN PAIN PLEASE EMBRACE YOUR HEART ACHE BECAUSE PEOPLE WE TRUELY LOVE INCLUDING YOURSELF NEED TO ALLOW OURSELVES A COMFORT ZONE ,SOMETIME EVEN THE MOST UNLIKELY PEOPLE TO ASSIST YOU DON'T
OVERWHELM YOURSELFJUST BE AS EASY AS POSSIBLE IF IT'S JUST YOU THEN GO AT BABAS SPEED ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS. LOVE BELIEVE ME PLEASE WILL EASE YOUR PAIN THERE NOTHING CAN OVER RIDE GODS GRACE AND LOVE THERE
IS NO TIME LIMIT SHORT OR LONG TERM REMEMBER THAT YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN I HOPE TO FEEL THE SAME LOVE ABOUT YOU, AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN YOU MUST CARE FOR YOURSELF YOUR MOM I HOPE SET A GOOD EXAMPLE AND EVEN IF THERE WE.RE DIFFICULT TIMES MOTHERS USUALLY WANT TO BLESS THEIR OWN
ALLOW GOD AND THE MEMORY OF YOUR MOM TO ALLOW YOU TO BE BLESSED AND BE CONFIDENT OF HOW DEEPLY SHE LOVED YOU . THAT IS LOVE NO ONE CAN MEASURE . BE WELL MY SISTER THANK GOD FOR YOUR MOM. IM SURE SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO HEAL AND BE HAPPY. MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOUR FAMILY.

DEAR STSTER
REALATIONSHIPS ARE OFTEN THOUGHT OF AS APPLYING TO CERTIN PEOPLE.
HOWEVER I DO NOT LIKE TO SEE ANYONE IN PAIN PLEASE EMBRACE YOUR HEART ACHE BECAUSE PEOPLE WE TRUELY LOVE INCLUDING YOURSELF NEED TO ALLOW OURSELVES A COMFORT ZONE ,SOMETIME EVEN THE MOST UNLIKELY PEOPLE TO ASSIST YOU DON'T
OVERWHELM YOURSELFJUST BE AS EASY AS POSSIBLE IF IT'S JUST YOU THEN GO AT BABAS SPEED ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS. LOVE BELIEVE ME PLEASE WILL EASE YOUR PAIN THERE NOTHING CAN OVER RIDE GODS GRACE AND LOVE THERE
IS NO TIME LIMIT SHORT OR LONG TERM REMEMBER THAT YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN I HOPE TO FEEL THE SAME LOVE ABOUT YOU, AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN YOU MUST CARE FOR YOURSELF YOUR MOM I HOPE SET A GOOD EXAMPLE AND EVEN IF THERE WE.RE DIFFICULT TIMES MOTHERS USUALLY WANT TO BLESS THEIR OWN
ALLOW GOD AND THE MEMORY OF YOUR MOM TO ALLOW YOU TO BE BLESSED AND BE CONFIDENT OF HOW DEEPLY SHE LOVED YOU . THAT IS LOVE NO ONE CAN MEASURE . BE WELL MY SISTER THANK GOD FOR YOUR MOM. IM SURE SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO HEAL AND BE HAPPY. MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOUR FAMILY.

DEAR STSTER
REALATIONSHIPS ARE OFTEN THOUGHT OF AS APPLYING TO CERTIN PEOPLE.
HOWEVER I DO NOT LIKE TO SEE ANYONE IN PAIN PLEASE EMBRACE YOUR HEART ACHE BECAUSE PEOPLE WE TRUELY LOVE INCLUDING YOURSELF NEED TO ALLOW OURSELVES A COMFORT ZONE ,SOMETIME EVEN THE MOST UNLIKELY PEOPLE TO ASSIST YOU DON'T
OVERWHELM YOURSELFJUST BE AS EASY AS POSSIBLE IF IT'S JUST YOU THEN GO AT BABAS SPEED ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS. LOVE BELIEVE ME PLEASE WILL EASE YOUR PAIN THERE NOTHING CAN OVER RIDE GODS GRACE AND LOVE THERE
IS NO TIME LIMIT SHORT OR LONG TERM REMEMBER THAT YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN I HOPE TO FEEL THE SAME LOVE ABOUT YOU, AND FOR THAT TO HAPPEN YOU MUST CARE FOR YOURSELF YOUR MOM I HOPE SET A GOOD EXAMPLE AND EVEN IF THERE WE.RE DIFFICULT TIMES MOTHERS USUALLY WANT TO BLESS THEIR OWN
ALLOW GOD AND THE MEMORY OF YOUR MOM TO ALLOW YOU TO BE BLESSED AND BE CONFIDENT OF HOW DEEPLY SHE LOVED YOU . THAT IS LOVE NO ONE CAN MEASURE . BE WELL MY SISTER THANK GOD FOR YOUR MOM. IM SURE SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO HEAL AND BE HAPPY. MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOUR FAMILY.

Babas~
It's been five years since my mother died of cervical cancer, and I'm still waiting to get over it! I know I never will. But it does subside. I honestly thought I would never make it through it! I had a lot of things in a short period of time happen so it made it both worse and better. 3 months before my mother died I lost my Grandfather (her father). Then a month before she died I gave birth to my first child. So losing my grandfather made the situation harder. And I had to be strong to take care of my newborn. She was the rock of the family. Although I still cry all of time, I smile a lot more too! It does get better! There are no words to make you feel better. So just hang in there!

I am so sorry for your terrible loss.You must feel numb right now.I promise as time passes it will get easier.Just take it hour by hour;don't rush trying to "get over it."

he i lost my mom in just one week in january 16th,2005. and i can't still believe it . i wake up every morning and except her to call me. she went in to the hospital for phnom i really don't know how to spell the word anyways. she went in to the hospital on january 9th, and died on the 16th, i never even got use to her being sick. they told her that she had cancer on the 15th, and then she went into a coma, and on sunday she died. from sunday to sunday, how do u get use to something like that. i cry almost every night and have fits of anger and also i am very depressed which i take medicine for sometimes they work and some times they don't. on my mothers card they wrote. do not stand by my grave and weep. i am not therer, i do not sleep . iam a thousandwinds that blow. i am the diamond glints on snow. i am the sunlight on ripened grain. i am the gentle autumn rain. when you awaken in the mornings hush, i am the swifter uplifting rush of quiet birds in the circled flight. im the soft star that shines at night . do not stand by my grave and cry. i am not there. i did not die. these are the words that i try to remember by let me tell you something, it really doesn't help, with my pain i just know that i miss her and i love her with all my heart. i wake up every morning and exspeck her to call me every day because that is what she did it every day. i also called her every night and now i really don't have any one to really talk to because they all think that i should be somewhat over her death. she was my world. just as my children are, besides my grandchildren. i don't think that i will ever get over losing my mother,like people say they do. i just don't see that ever happening my name is jane

Babas, I lost my mother 23 years ago when I was almost 17. I can honestly tell you while the pain does subside, it never completely goes away. There are some things that I try to do when I start missing my mother. I remember how God fearing my mother was. I never heard her say derogatory things about anyone. I often think about the influence my mother had on other peoples lives. About twenty years after she passed, I found out because of her caring spirit and encouragement, she had inspired two beautiful women to become nurses(a lifelong commitment she herself had made). My mother also was very creative with her hands. I often see hand crafted items and think of her. Some of my favorite memories are of watching her crocheting and seeing things appear before my eyes. I still have several things she made for me and will continue to cherish them. It sometimes saddens me that my twelve year-old son will never know his grandparents( my father has been gone 15 years). I try to help him create memories of his own about my parents. Around Memorial day we go to the cemetery and he helps me decorate their graves. He has also helped me create a Powerpoint Presentation using their pictures. I try to share stories with him about my childhood. Some things that I do not remember, my sisters seem to. While we are often left wondering why death occurs(my mother's was quite sudden), remember that God often has reasons that at present time, we do not understand. I can tell you that I have found myself sharing with others memories I have of my mother. Try to remember the good things about your mother, allow yourself to cry (even after this long I still occasionally do)and try to occasionally share the good things you remember about your mother.

Babas,
I too lost my mom in 2005 to cancer, she died only 22 days after diagnosis, barely enough time to contemplate the loss let alone handle it. My advice may seem like no advice because I found that the only people who understood had not only lost their mothers, but also had a truly special relationship with them--so it was difficult to carry on conversations with people I was quite sure didn't understand. I would be out in public somewhere and everything would be going on around me and I would just want to scream "don't you know my mother died?" My mom was my best friend and it was the hardest time of my life. I took to the bed for a week after the funeral and only got up because I had to go to work to pay the bills. I rarely left my apartment for months. I found advice from other patronizing, sure that no one could understand the pain I was going through. As time went by, I broke down less, cried for hours less, eventually the pain diminished little by little. You asked how you would get over this, and I'm going to say I don't think you can. I don't think you get over things like this, you just eventually move on because you can't stay in that place forever. I was married last year and had my moments, and I still take to the bed when I feel like having a good cry. But it did lessen, it just doesn't go away. So you have to give yourself time to grieve in your own way, whatever it is and take as much time as you need. And one day you'll be able to smile instead of cry when you think of her. In the meantime, take the best care you can for yourself. Try to sleep (i had to use sleeping pills)
do the best you can on the arrangements --can you ask a friend or family member to help you? and everything else will be ok in time
you are in my thoughts

My mom passed away 5 years ago and I am not over it. Life goes on and you will be able to function, bt you never get over losing your mom. She is the only person in your life who loved you unconditionally, advised you with no ulterior motives, and never stopped loving you no matter what.

It seems like I am listening to myself.I lost my mom on June 9,2004 to CJD.She raised me and my sister after my dad died when I was only six.I was 39 when she passed and for the longest time felt like crawling into the box with her.Could not breath,eat or think.Went through all the emotions that have been mentioned here.Slept at 7pm every night for at least one year.Took care of my young kids and shut myself off from the world.Work helped keeping me focussed.My husband just listened and gave me all the space I needed.Then slowly after 18 months,started to see that she was around in everything I did in life just by being the one that tought me everything and set up my value systems.So decided that I needed to live my fullest life to honor her because it would kill her all over again to see me not doing so.However,life is different now.It will NEVER be the same.
Keep your faith and know that our grief is for OUR loss,since they are in a better place.
Don't let anyone define how to "get over"this-there is no right or wrong way to grieve.Do what makes you feel better and cocoon yourself with people that understand you.
Best wishes for peace.

Hi, I am a motherless daughter as well. It's tough. I have found immense help in talking with other motherless women. I was 15 when she died. When I was 18 when I met my biological mom and she died when I was 21.

Has anyone given you a copy of Hope Edelman's MOTHERLESS DAUGHTERS? Or MOTHERLESS MOTHERS? If not, I would highly recommend the read.

Also, http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/motherlessdaughtersonlinesupport/?v=1&t=search&ch=web&pub=groups&sec=group&slk=9 is a great online support group.

I'm so so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

My deepest sympathies for your loss and the greiving you are going through. I know all to well exactly what you are going through. I lost my mom on January 8th, 2008 to cancer. My moms illness was nine months of pure horror. Hospital visits, doctors appointments, at the same time my dad had a breakdown, he was not well and had medical problems of his own. At times we would have the both of them in the hospital at the same time. I used to joke and say at least we know where they both are tonight. Honestly, you need to get some humor, and I don't mean to belittle what you are going through, cause i'm still there, but I always found something to laugh about every day. I to have two small children, the difference is that I am a stay at home mom, of course that meant to my brother and sister that I had all the free time in the world. Bereavement is a very long process, some days when I think about my mom it just hurts to breathe. But I will tell you that it gets easier with time. I just started taking vitamins becaue I couldn't understand why I was always so tired. Well it's been more than a year from my mom's diagnosis and I probably hadn't had a decent nights sleep from first finding out she had cancer, no wonder I felt so tired. You can't count the days that pass as "Well it's another day and I still feel so sad", those painful moments will come and go and will always be there. Actually when my mother was sick, my mother-in-law was also diagnosed with cancer. Seven and a half weeks after my mom died my husbands mom died also. It was a double blow, but I had to hold it together for my husband and my children's sake. I promise you that it will get easier, but there is no time limit on suffering loss. Try to get yourself some vitamins and remember while you're doing all the things you need to do to settle your mom's affairs to take out some time for yourself, for you and for your kids. I find myself in such a strong place today and it's only been almost five months. The life you know will live will forever be different, my mom was the heart of our family and she left a very large empty sad place when she died, but this new life becomes the new normal, and you will understand in time what I mean about that. The only positive thing for me, is that now we have two guardian angels in heaven watching over us and we need them now because my husband leaves in two weeks to deploy to Iraq, and still I am able to keep a positive outlook. You need to take care of yourself, cry whenever you need to, but be careful that you don't let that bring you into a depression. Also, maybe get in touch with a therapist, someone who can help you with your feelings. Trust me, whatever you're feeling it is all real and necessary, you'll know when you're starting to feel like yourself again, but it will take time. I miss my mom everyday, but I don't cry everyday anymore, I just continue to be thankful for the fact that she was my mom and how much we enjoyed each other, it was a blessing.

My heart aches for you, there is no easy way to get through this you have to keep her close to your heart, My 20 year daughter gave me the biggest compliment, I lost my dad when I was fifteen and lost my mom at 27. I talked about my parents so much that my daughters feel like they knew them. That helped me heal by remembering the love we had. I had no choice but to keep it together for their sake, because someday it will be there turn to remember me. If you do not have siblings,find a group that shares your sadnes.Take care, you will get stronger everyday.

Babas, I have been where you are the only one. But you have a family. I was totally alone (no kids/husband). You will go through many emotions. You will cry at the small to large. Even a smell or a tiny word will trigger an emotion both from crying, to yelling, to laughing, to screaming. You will tell everyone who didn't know her about her. But I will say this, in your sorrow you will find joy and happiness. You will have to honestly admit to yourself and others that at times your emotions will be the best of you. But your mom was your foundation cause she raised you to be the woman that you are and now that she is gone you miss her and the absence hurts. But you can fill the void with her love. The journey is up to you and your immediate family. Your mom is in a better place with no more pain. Your mom loved you and she saw you marry and have her grandchildren. In your "lonely" days you have to remember this was GOD's plan and GOD needs angels. Your mom is just one of many angels to guide you and your family. She will always live through you and your children.

I pray that you express your emotions and let the grieving process take place. It does make you a stronger person. For me even after 4 years I still miss my mom and I can now smile; laugh; and cry ( the good love cry) without breaking down in anger. Because of her love. And trust me you will get to the smiling, laughing, and good loving cry in time. A change will come.
Peace & Blessings.

babas, I am so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand what you are going through as I too have lost my mother 8 weeks ago. She was 61 years old and had primary pulmonary hypertension. I begged her to stop smoking and feel helpless that I could not help her. She was the best mother that anyone could have and I feel a hole in my life that no one else can replace. The only thing I can say is to try and surround yourself with good friends and family and to talk about your mother and her life and all that things about her that made you happy often to keep her alive to you and everyone around you. Not a day goes by that I feel like I am a lost abandoned child one minute and able to cope the next. I guess this is the normal grief process. Talking to people that have gone through it themselves helps as I have a good friend that lost their father 10 days after my mother passed and believing that they are in a better place not suffering anymore. Hold on tight to the memories of her and talk of her often. You will never forget her...God bless you.

I lost my mother May 27, 2001 at 7:21 pm. I was 38 at the time and the youngest of five children. My Mother was my everything (I'm single with no children)....the reason for my living. When she took her last breath I wanted to die, too. I never imagined grief would be so painful and personal....no one's grief experience is the same. I thought I was going crazy...I couldn't think, make decisions, etc. I can say that time does heal but the only way I got through was the faithfulness of Jesus Christ. I cried out to Him and He heard me. He comforted me and showed me that I did have a reason to live and that was to serve Him and serve others. I learned I could go on without my mother. I would be glad to walk along side you in this tough time. The hospice organization has good information on grief. My friends and family were very supportive as well. My advice...don't make any decisions for at least a year...grief counselors will tell you that, too. And it's true...I almost quit my job. Find a good counselor at your church or through your work and talk to someone. That helped me, too. I read a book that helped a great deal. It's called, "The Blessings of Brokenness" By Charles F. Stanley. This book helped me understand why bad things happen. 1) to get us closer to God 2) to share what you learned through your ordeal with others. Because of my experience, I have gotten closer to God and I can share with you. May God bless you and know I am available to help you through this. Lorri Johnson eljay1720@aol.com

babas, i'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you're feeling. i lost my mom 6 years ago...i kept waiting for the day i would wake up and be "over it". i finally understand...i shouldn't get over the person who loved me and cared for me with all her heart every minute of our years together. it's okay to say "my life is different now because my mom is no longer here with me". the warm memories and everything she stood for is forever part of you, though. never stop talking about her.

Babas, my heart goes out to you at this time. Nothing will ever surpass the kind of love given to you by your mother. You will feel alone and empty for a long period of time. I lost my mom 9 months ago and I didn't know how to live on Thanksgiving, Christmas or Mother's Day. I enjoyed buying her gifts for those days. Since her passing, they became just another day in my now spiritless, sparkless life. Mother's day hurt the most for me because her birthday is usually on Mother's day. This year it was the day after. As for the worthless/useless siblings, do what you need to do to complete the arrangements and other business arrangements. Handle everything the best that you can and keep your mouth shut if you should run across anything of monetary value. The ugliness will surface soon enough so be prepared for it and be strong and clear thinking. Do not (if you can ) have your crying spell yet because so much is required/needed of you at this time. Hold off until you can see your way clear from the business formalities then find your time to grieve as you wish. Again so sorry for you loss and pain.

First and foremost I am sorry for your loss. I am 21 years old and I'm in a similar situation. My biological mother died when I was 12 and now my adoptive mother has cancer and has been in critical condition for a week. The doctors are saying it doesn't look good. But I have faith because she's strong. Of course its gonna hurt but just think she's in a better place now, no worries, no pain. Pray to god and ask for strength to help you deal with all of this so you can move on. She will always be with you. I hope you feel better. Sorry if I did not offer you better advice, but I certainly understand your pain.

Babas, I offer you my deepest heartfelt sympathy for I too lost my mother and had to sit where you sit. I have an adult son, age 28 now, a daughter who was turning five at the time and a set of two years old twin boys. That was six years ago and not a day goes by that I don't tell my mother I love her while looking up to the skies, but I digress. You will not get over losing her, but allow me to tell you that you didn't lose her because she will walk with you always. The way you treat your children and those around will be her morals and values that she instilled in you. Every time you protect your family or come up with the solutions to their problems, it will have been your mother's

I lost my mother a year ago. She was only 51 and I was 8 days away from my 30th birthday. She went to the emergency room, I met her and my aunt there, my mother had cancer that spread everywhere. I am an only child and my parents had been divorced for many years, I had to make every decision for her. The doctors say she didnt know what hit her. I had the doctors make her "comfortable" I WILL NEVER FORGET THOSE THREE DAYS AND THREE NIGHTS I SPENT WITH HER WAITING FOR HER TO DIE. My kids are young and since her passing I see them forget her more and more which hurts the most. You keep your head up for your kids and for yourself. Find strength in your kids as I have done remind them of her in every way because belief it or not your mother is watching over you and them!

I understand completely. I lost my Mom 5 years ago and the pain eases, but the emptiness is beyond words. The hole in your heart will be there forever. I fel too that no one will love me as she did. I say to you, be glad that you knew her, be thankful that she gave you life. Cry when you need to and don't hold back. Crying is a cleanser an it does help. Pour yourself into your family and keep her alive through you. I send you a warm hug and smile as she would want you to. Her life would be for nothing if yours was lived on through sadness.

I understand completely. I lost my Mom 5 years ago and the pain eases, but the emptiness is beyond words. The hole in your heart will be there forever. I fel too that no one will love me as she did. I say to you, be glad that you knew her, be thankful that she gave you life. Cry when you need to and don't hold back. Crying is a cleanser an it does help. Pour yourself into your family and keep her alive through you. I send you a warm hug and smile as she would want you to. Her life would be for nothing if yours was lived on through sadness.

Babas, u will NEVER get over losing yr mom. NEVER. U will have to suffer terribly till it is no longer terrible It will go from terrible to awful to bad to painful . Eventually it will become easier to bear and you will be able to go an hour or two without hurting. Then you will go a full day without crying and it will become a yearning and then life begins to seem normal again.

Babas, u will NEVER get over losing yr mom. NEVER. U will have to suffer terribly till it is no longer terrible It will go from terrible to awful to bad to painful . Eventually it will become easier to bear and you will be able to go an hour or two without hurting. Then you will go a full day without crying and it will become a yearning and then life begins to seem normal again.

I think one of the reasons there are these traditions and religious events after death is so that family will be occupied and surrounded by others during a hard time. It will help you to feel less alone and more useful even though it feels like a lot of stress to have to do this stuff. Everything will end up making you a stronger person. Good luck!

I don't think you ever "get over it." Just be extremely kind to yourself right now. You've suffered enough... adding pressure to that is just too much. And there are grief counselors and other women near you who can definitely help.

I also lost my mom at 27. It sounds empty now but time does heal all wounds. It's really hard when you lose your mom though because in my case I'd say no one will ever love me as much as my mom did.

Babas,
Dealing with loss takes time. This is sudden and very new to you. Let things happen as they happen and turn to your family for the support that you need.

babas, my deepest warmest condolencses... it seems odd trying to find words that fit...i lost my mom awhile ago so i can identify w/ the sense of loss, hurt, disbelief you may be feeling now. Dealing w/loss of a dear loved one can be exhausting so for your sake and that of your family try to sleep, eat as much as you can even if you have difficulty- you must keep your strength up. i found that prayer and talking about the good times helped.somehow sharing about my mom helped me to celebrate her life and kept her close to me. i was also comforted by the hope of the resurrection that the bible speaks of at John 5:28,29. i pray it can comfort you also. take care.