For the past year me and my husband have been fighting about me going down to my mothers every day. She lives right down the hill. I don't spend all day down there only when I know my husband needs sleep. While I am down at my mothers I help her clean the house and let her spend some time with my children. Sometimes I even get to take a bath... I really enjoy that because all I have at my house is a shower. But my husband gets mad.. He says that I love my mother more than him. He claims that I need to stay home all day long or go and see a friend.. What he doesn't understand she is my friend my only friend.. which is kind of sad that I don't have other friends. He states that our kids don't love him because he doesn't get to see them but what he doens't understand is that I stay all day long at the house and he will sleep. He wants every thing his time his place... That includes spending time with our kids.. Sometime i think that he would rather mess around with his stupid guns than spend time with our kids even on his days off. He leaves me alone all day long with 2 screaming babies and expects me to sit and listen to it with no one to talk to... I see his point of view but I don't think he sees mine.. I feel like pulling my hair sometimes because I feel so alone.. My husband can be a good father but I think the little boy that lives inside of him gets the best of him.. And he also claims that the kids are my responablility and my job not his... Its a fight everytime and that isn't the only one.. Getting him to take me and the boys to the doctor is one of the major fights to.. But it's not only my responabliity but his to.. Everything is a fight... How can I solve this without divorce?????
My heart goes out to you ALLY. You sound like me. You are a good and unselfish person, and I just hope that things have gotten better for you with your marriage relationship. Nobody can really tell you what is best for you. It is better to always work things out unless you were in danger. Take one day at a time here and know that you really are loved. Try to be cheerful, and sometimes just do something for yourself anyway, but always love those children, and don't let anything bad happen to them. In September I will be having my thirty year anniversary with my selfish one. Go figure!!! We have three grown children whom we feel we have done right by and the best we could. I do feel like our children love me more than they love their dad so that's his fault. I wish you a blessed marriage, and that your husband will grow with each day. Try to be happy anyway around him. I wish I could give good advice to you, but in the long run there are reasons for everything. I am a Christian with very strong faith, but right now I have been on a very troublesome path. May God richly bless your family.
I had a selfish one once..............that's why we're in diferent states! Something to think about.
Hey ally. Wow! Your man needs to grow up!! He needs to realize he is no longer a boy -kid!! That he now has and a very good,loving,caring, responsible wife and a good mother to his children. AND not one but TWO young kids!! Why does he have guns in the house to start (with two kids in the house) I'd put a stop to that!! He really needs to grow up and stop being a boy and take some responsibility here!! It took two to make thoughs babies of yours!! Of course go to your mother's if all does is he sleep. What does he really care!! Sounds like you have more help over there then you do at home!! GRRR!! I hope he's not trying to take your family away from you!! I'd call that controlling. And that's not good!! I had a boyfriend once like that and he almost won. He eventually told me he was going to smash my head against the wall!! And that's when I woke up and got out as fast as I could!! Don't let him do this to you. You are young and a new mom. Don't be soo hard on yourself!! It does take time to get thing down pat!! Your husband might be feeling the same as you and you don't even know it!! Try talking to him and tell him how you feel. If he doesn't listen kick him where it counts and run!! Hee hee!!No. If he doesn't listen maybe he's just not worth your pain and heart ache!! Maybe it's time to do something that's right for you and your kids! Your a mom now. They come first!! You need to look after yourself!!
He sounds like a selfish man to me.
I go to my mothers because I clean her house.. She is disabeled in her back and neck.. She is also losing her grip in her right arm..
Lately I havn't been going down there because she is sick.. I've met a new friend.. We went bowling tuesday, I had alot of fun.. But all he could do is complain.. Around here they don't offer classes for kids under 5.. today I stayed for about 45 min down at mom's just so mom and day could see the kids... Even though I havn't went down mom's its another fight about something else.. Could he be unhappy about himself?? Even when we was bowling it was fight fight fight...
He doesn't like going any where or helping me with the kids... I don't know
If you want to save your marriage, get a marriage consoler. If that doesn't work, and you are really trying then there is nothing else to do. He might not want to go to his consoling, but if you say your going he will most likely join in to not wanting his side of the story told from you. Also I think it's perfectly acceptable to see your mom for a little time each day,but how long is it. If your gone every day for more than 3 or 4 hours, I could see where he would want you and the kids around more. I don't think I would like it if my husband went to his mothers with the kids every day for a long time. Maybe your mom could go to your house. There is no reason why you need to go there every day. Also I would try to make at least one friend beside your mother. Mothers, sadly don't live forever. Do your kids have any friends you could set up a play date and chat with there mothers and see if you hit it off with any of them. Either you or your kids could take a class and try to meet new people. It is always a little nervous the first time you go, but don't worry. Your mom could even go with you and that would be away for you to spend time with your mother. just some suggestions.
he sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, beleive me it comes with time .. tell him your love for him is special, but you have to check on your mom and help her out, its the right thing to do. i use to do it for my mother inlaw , i have been married for 43yrs..it all come in due time good luck!
I am also married to a selfish little boy. What helped me is i went to the local library, if you dont have one near (i know how far it can be if you live in the country sides) you can also try amazon.com Anyways, i got a few books on "communication" some having to do with relationships too, but communication is the key. read up and find a way to comunicate with him, then sit him down and have a real talk. If he gets upset just say ok, i'm sorry i upset you..we will talk about this again in 10 minutes after we have had time to cool off. you might have to do that many many times, (it took us about 10-20 times) but now we can comunicate and try and see things from each others side. I am also very attached to my mother and spend time there. You are allowed to spend time with her, dont feel guilty. I think you just have to try and talk to him, keep trying and trying. One day it will sink in, if not there are really only 2 other options that i can see. walk on egg shells and be unhappy or file for a divorce. neither is a perfect idea, but you really should do whats best for your family. after talking and talking my husband and i have finally began to have a great relationship, but it took over a year. i hope this helps, if not and you would at least like an E-Pal you can always email me kristi.halbherr@yahoo.com good luck
And not only that he wants to spend money like we have plenty of it but we don't... he claims that he needs his toys and he needs his time because he works.. I spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with my kids and I don't get time off unless they are asleep.. But then I am cleaning the house or listening to him gripe. And I can't remember the last thing I spent on my self other than a 33 cent candy bar.. I've tried talking and talking but the same fights keep on coming back