First, I want to tell you this and please know it is not being written to hurt you. But, from the "other" woman's point of view, your husband most likely has cheated before. If it happened once it most likely happened before and will happen again. I was married for over 16 years (together for 20) when "I" reconnected with an old flame from 22 years earlier. My marriage had been rocky for only two years and this old friend of mine really became a huge emotional supporter of mine. He had been separated in the past from his wife. He admitted to me in confidence that he has had numerous affairs over the corse of his 14 year marriage. He told me he loved his wife because she was the mother of his 2 children. But that he was not IN LOVE with his wife and never was. But we spent countless hours talking on the phone and emailing and texting for months. Confiding in one another. He listened to me talk about my marriage wo's and I listened to him. It was after 4 months of talking on the phone that I listen to him tell me that he had had numerous affairs and while he went back to his wife after the first separation, he never stopped having affairs. Yet 4 months later I still met him for lunch. He said everything I wanted to hear and he was a friend. But the very next day after our first meeting for lunch, I found myself in bed with him. I trusted him because he told me things he never told anyone. He told me every detail of his past and his marriage, and he also told me everything I was needing to hear. He also told me he would NEVER leave his wife because she was the mother of his kids, and as long as he could have affairs he was happy in every way. He had an affair with a co-worker during the work weeks and on business trips. His wife never knew. Even when he was separated from his wife for a year he had an affair with her best friend before and during that separation, and yet another affair with an old ex- girl friend of his. I knew it all. I never asked him nor wanted him to leave his wife for me. WHY... because I knew in my heart he would not be faithful to me IF he ever left his wife. Now fast forward. 15 months later I was pregnant with his child. I begged him to leave me alone. To walk away from me and my pregnancy. I knew what sort of man he was, yet I loved him. And that love for him had me begging him to go away. I did not want him in my life anymore. So for the first 5 months of my pregnancy he refused to go away, yet continued to live a double life. And I too was too weak to shut him out completely. Now bare in mind. I had already told my husband about my affair and the pregnancy. We had been living apart for the past 7 months and we had been best friends. My husband was hurt and sad, but more troubled by the man I had my affair with and his ease at continuing to lie to his wife and live a double life. Telling me he would be my babies father and eventually tell his wife. He told me loved me and that he would never walk away from me. So low and behold some 5+ months into my pregnancy, he told his wife. Then everything went to hell. His wife threatened me, accused me of trapping her husband, calling me, driving by my home, etc. He never told her the truth and still hasn't. So from that day forward he left me. Even though I had begged him to go all those 5 months before, he did not go away until he told his wife. So fast forward. Some 7 months later after my daughter was born, he sends me an email. Telling me how sorry he was, and how he thought of my baby and me everyday. So we meet and he sees our daughter for the first time. Two visits later he was wanting to have yet another affair with me. Pretending he wanted to see our daughter he would visit weekly (without his wife's knowledge) and every visit he would attempt to have some sort of sexual interaction with me. Some 2 months later he tells his wife about supposidly wanting to see his daughter. She agrees after a paternity test proves the baby is his. Which he always knew. Bare in mind he and I had attended counseling too. He even took me to various Dr.'s appointments and helped pick out baby names. Now he is leaving his wife, but only after I refused to continue to have yet another affair with him. Now we are no longer talking, but he finally "SAYS" he is leaving his wife. But only after she got on his computer and found out about 3 other of the 5 affairs he has had. He told me too that he loved me, but the day his wife found out, he recanted that statement. As some form of apology to his wife, he made light of everything he said and did with me. What you need to know is that men like that don't know the truth if it hit them in the face. He told me he knew exactly how to keep his wife's trust, and he told me he could get her to trust him after all that. He also went to counseling with his wife after she learned of everything. He said he was shocked she would stay with him, and in fact he was sad. He had hoped she would be the one to leave him. Because if he left her, he would look like the bad guy. But if she left him, it would make her look strong. And when she did not leave him, he was at a loss of what to do. But when she did not leave him after learning everything, he was at a loss and just stayed. Even in counseling he would pretend he was committed to her. He just was afraid to leave. Why do I tell you all this. Because in my heart I want you to know that you are better than what your husband has said and done to you. He most likely is lying to you still. I would have told his wife exactly what your husband's girlfriend told you too. I did in fact tell his wife that he loved her, and he wanted to make it work. It is what the "OTHER" woman is obligated to do. For the other man. To keep him from being in trouble. My own father cheated and I know what he told my mother too. Please for your own sanity, take a deeper look at your marriage. Have strength in knowing you are better off without him as a husband. I too love my husband, but I am not IN LOVE with him, just as the man I had an affair with was never IN LOVE with his wife. You deserve better. Just as my own husband deserves better. My husband has been the father to my new daughter since the day her bio father walked away. I owe my husband the world for being the bigger man. But even I know my heart is no longer committed, just as the man I had an affair with was never committed to his wife. I have no idea if he is still getting a divorce, nor do I care. But even I feel badly for his wife. She is more afraid to be divorced and alone again at 40, then to know and understand she deserves better. What you may not know is that you can still be great friends with your husband, you both can parent your children with love and devotion. But move on. Accept that you are better, you deserve better and then move on. He will cheat again. And he most likely has done it more than once. He just got caught and he is doing all he can to make it less painful for you.. I wish you all the best. No matter what you decide to do.

First of all, there is no easy "fix-it" answer, as I'm sure you've already discovered. Every situation has it's own unique twists and turns..so allow yourself the time to examine this experience so you can make the right decision for you and for your children. Okay, that being said, let me tell you that I had a similar situation happen to me as well. After our son suffered a serious accident, my husband (who felt responsible for it) began to slide into a deep depression. He was convinced that I resented him, and instead of "talking" to me about his feelings - he chose to begin an intense, emotional 6 month telephone affair with a woman he met while working at a charity drive! Surprisingly, this kind of affair sprouts some of the same ill results as a physical infidelity - lack of intimacy between the both of you, mate is short tempered and at times rude to you, their lack of desire to participate at events as a family, your sense of emotional loneliness, etc. Now, years ago I SWORE I could never forgive an infidelity of ANY kind (physical or emotional) - but after many tears and months of marriage counseling, here we are today, almost three years later. Still married, and closer in many ways than we were when first married. The trust between us continues to strengthen, but exercising it isn't without its challenges. Saving a marriage after a blow like this can be done, but be warned, climbing back up the hill of a damaged marriage is not for the weak! Your heart will tell you, as mine did, if you're pointed in the right direction. Be true to yourself, and I'll be praying for your family! You're not alone....

You are not CRAZY!! Marriage is and can be what you make it. It sounds like you two are determined to make it work! Good Luck as you and your husband work together through this.

First of all, I would take an incredibly honest look at my marriage and that means DO NOT make excuses for his behavior or yours. No matter how rough things may be at home he made an active choice to cheat, it didn't just "happen". Couseling is good, very good. Can you work through this? Is it worth it? Well, only you can really answer that question. Personally, I would dump a cheating spouse because I believe that if they will cheat once, they will cheat again. However, each marriage is different and you need to base your decisions on your marriage ONLY. Can you live with this? Can you refrain from throwing it in his face each time there is a problem? Can you forgive and heal and not use it as a weapon whenever you want? Because that's what you have to do if you want your marriage to succeed. What he will need to do is keep it in his pants and figure out exactly what motivated his actions - AND HE CANNOT BLAME YOU! HE cheated and the fault lies in him, period. If there is trouble in a marriage, you deal with it and work on it, you don't cheat. You don't spend money behind each others backs. You don't hold mistakes over each others heads . . . you are in a partnership built on equality and trust, after all.
Now, as one woman to another I have another piece of advice for you. Be capable of supporting yourself and your children on your own. It is good advice to any married woman, no matter your age and no matter your marriage. Anything can happen, women get blindsided all the time. So put a little money away, work on your self esteem, learn how to fix a broken faucet, learn how to be independant so that if you have to be, you CAN BE. This is not an exit plan in case things go bad and you don't want to do the work in a marriage it is a safety net all women should have in place to be safe and to keep their kids safe.

If you are so sure about this counsling and your husband what are you doing on this web site?

You are definitely on the right track going to marriage counseling. Cheating is often a sign that your partner needs an ego boost and not neccessarily a reflection of his feelings for you. Divorce is very painful and difficult for all parties involved and should be avoided if at all possible! Healing a betrayal is challenging and you have the right to request any reassurances you need from your partner duing the healing process.

I have been in your shoes. Search your heart and let the Lord lead and guide you. After two years of being seperated, I allowed my husband to come back home. Although it was difficult, I am hear to share with you that there is life after an affair and seperation. Take time and grow together again. Hopefully each of you will learn from the mistakes in the past and strive to make each other happy. Although difficult.....You will learn to trust again. Keep your communication open as well as your eyes. Once you forgive him for his actions start a new!

There is still hope for your marriage. If he has admitted his mistake and is truly remorseful, you need to offer him forgiveness.

I think your marriage can be saved. My father cheated on my mother and they are still married. They love each other. That is all that matters if you love him and he loves you then yes your marriage can be saved. As long as you two love each other and he doesn't try to cheat then I think so. I think that he really loves you because he told you what happened and that he loved you. I really think your marriage can be saved