I'm married, but I miss the days when I was single, alone and depressed. Do you?
How much is having a litter of children worth these days? Or, in other words, how much free sh** are the California octuplets going to get over the next three years? What do you think?
I sometimes let my four-year-old son eat food that the dogs have licked because I'm too lazy to make more.
First off, let me say I LOVE Barack Obama. I voted for him and I wear T-shirts with his face on them. But please, can someone tell me what the f*** is up with an inauguration that costs $170 million during the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression??
When I heard everyone survived Flight 1549, I realized those passengers have a new lease on life. Now I do, too.
When I heard one couple was told that they couldn't adopt a child because the husband was too fat, all I had to say was, "Good!"
Hey parents, if your kids want to join the Girl Scouts, then don't YOU come begging to ME for money to fund their field trips, campouts and museum visits!
I never thought I'd be saying this, but I LOVE when my son watches TV. Why? Because his favorite show is Discovery Channel's "Dirty Jobs." To me, it's like straight-out porn.